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Dear Sandra

September 30, 2010 in Dave's Musings, Tay Sachs with 2 Comments

As a way to honor Carmen and the impact she’s had on our lives, we sponsored another little girl living in Guatemala. Here is the note Lauren wrote to this four-year old:

Dear Sandra,

My name is Lauren and I am six years old. I love sponsoring kids. I like to help. I like to play with dolls just like you. My younger sister is from Guatemala and she was exactly one month older than you and she had the same name as you, Sandra. My younger sister, Sandra, died when she was four. I have a new sister who is seven months old. Her name is Hope. My sister, Sandra, had a disease that made her go to Heaven.

Love,

Lauren

Carmen’s birth name was Sandra. However, there is already a Sandra (Sandy) on Lana’s side of the family so we changed her name to Carmen during the adoption process. We kept “sandra” in her middle name, making it Alesandra.

We like World Vision but Compassion is also a very good organization. Did you know that you can make a huge difference in the life of another child for $35 a month?

Not In Vain

September 20, 2010 in Lana's Journal, Tay Sachs with 10 Comments

A little over three and a half years ago, Carmen was diagnosed with Tay Sachs. The Sunday after we received the devastating news, we went to church as we do normally. I didn’t really want to go as the emotions were still so raw. But, Dave’s parents had driven down to be with us and they wanted to go to our church, so we all went. Our senior pastor was out-of-town so an assistant pastor spoke.

He spoke on losing a loved one.

I don’t recall ever hearing a sermon on losing a loved one before that one.

As tears poured down our faces, I thought that no message could have been more applicable, more appropriate for us that day.

I remember marveling that in a church of thousands, God was making sure we heard loudly and clearly that He was going to be with us during this journey, that He wasn’t leaving us.

***

Yesterday we decided to visit a church down the street. We had no plans to attend a new church. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision.

The lead pastor, Joshua Harris, announced that a guest speaker was going to talk about adoption.

I don’t recall ever hearing a sermon on adoption before that one.

Joshua wanted everyone to know that the church had been praying about this particular sermon and that some congregation members who have already adopted children requested that it not be romanticized. Adoption is tough. It’s hard work and it doesn’t always turn out like you plan. Then Joshua said, “God wants you to know that the love you have given your adopted child is not in vain.”

It was tough. It was hard work. And it certainly didn’t turn out like we planned. But, it wasn’t in vain.

Thank you, Lord, for making sure we heard loudly and clearly that You are still here and that You aren’t leaving us.

It’s interesting to us that God would send us to a church we don’t go to on a “random” Sunday to hear a guest speaker whose topic happened to be adoption.

Painful Enjoyment

September 15, 2010 in Dave's Musings, Everyday Family, Tay Sachs with 7 Comments

For quite awhile after Carmen was diagnosed, we still did lots of things like going to the park as a family. But as time passed and Tay Sachs, AB Variant took over more and more of her body, Carmen became increasingly agitated by the simplest of movements. Toward the end of Carmen’s life, we only moved her when it was necessary because even a subtle shift of her body produced moans of discomfort.

It’s hard to believe that Carmen has been gone for a month. We miss her greatly.

Yet here we are, again able to enjoy things like a normal family. Simple things like going to the park. Together. It is a painful. It is enjoyable. Yes, both at the same time.

With Hope

September 13, 2010 in Dave's Musings, Tay Sachs with 5 Comments

This is not at all how
We thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We had so many dreams
And now you’ve gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Can take away the pain
The pain of losing you, but …

Slide show set to the song “With Hope” by Steven Curtis Chapman:

We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
‘Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no…
We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope

Letter to Carmen: Revised

September 12, 2010 in Dave's Musings, Tay Sachs with 5 Comments

Letter to Carmen

Right after Carmen died, Tina re-recorded herself reading her letter to Carmen. She updated it to reflect the current reality, that God chose not heal Carmen here on Earth, that He had a different plan for her and us.

Here is the revised version that we showed at Carmen’s funeral:

Since the video of Carmen’s funeral service is so long, we’ll be posting individual segments over the next few weeks.

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