“Lauren,” I whispered as I gently tapped her shoulder to wake her up.

“Lauren,” I said a little louder, shaking her gently.

“Lauren!” I finally said out loud. Her eyes popped open and she stared at me. “There’s something I need to tell you. Something about Carmen.” She looked at me intently, not saying a word. “Carmen went to Heaven a little while ago.”

“WHAT?”

After a brief moment, Lauren burst into tears and wrapped her arms and legs around me. We lay on her bed, holding each other as the tears rolled down our cheeks.

“Do you want to go say goodbye?” I asked.

She shook her head up and down, still crying.

I carried her downstairs, where Lana was waiting with Carmen. Lauren didn’t know what to say so I whispered a few things to Carmen for the three of us. Then I took Lauren back upstairs to her bedroom.

More tears. More hugs. “I need a tissue,” she whimpered.

I returned with a box of tissues. We then did the only thing I could think of at that moment. We prayed. We thanked God for Carmen, that she was such a great daughter and sister. As I thanked him that Carmen could now do things she couldn’t do just yesterday, Lauren interjected emphatically.

“Thank you, Lord, that Carmen can walk,” I said.

“That she can RUN!” Lauren added.

“Thank you that she can talk.”

“And SING!”

“Thank you that she is whole.”

“And FREE!”

“We will miss her greatly…”

“YES.”

“…and we can’t wait to see her again.”

“YES.”

After we prayed, neither one of us said a word for what seemed like forever. I knew Lauren was still awake because there was an occasional movement from an arm or a leg. Finally, I asked, “What do you think Carmen is doing right now?”

“She’s walking,” Lauren responded.

“Yeah, I bet you’re right.”

After imagining and talking about all the things Carmen was probably doing at that very moment, Lauren rolled over, looked straight into my eyes and asked poignantly, “How did she die?”

“Well, God decided it was time for her to go to Heaven.”

“No, I mean…did her heart stop?”

“Yeah. It did.”

“Did it just stop or did it go like this (making a downward sloping motion with her hand)?”

“It slowed down and eventually stopped,” I told her.

“Did it go to zero?”

“Yeah.”

“Daddy, will you please tell me a story?”

“Sure kiddo. Once upon a time, there was a beautiful little girl…”

As you know, Carmen hasn’t been doing very well since last Saturday. A few nights ago Carmen once again spiked a fever and had 80% oxygen levels despite 5 liters of oxygen. She wasn’t able to tolerate her feeding and was breathing 86 breaths per minute. Since then, we have been giving her Tylenol and Motrin to keep the fever down and alternating morphine and Ativan to keep her comfortable.

Carmen’s life on this earth is nearing its end. As you can imagine, this is excruciatingly painful.

Yet, somehow, it is joyful at the same time. A few years ago we met with our pastor and talked through all that we were facing with Carmen’s disease. He said to us, “What a privilege you have been given to usher this child into the arms of God.” We keep thinking, Carmen, you are going to HEAVEN! You are going to meet Jesus! There are streets of gold and a mansion waiting for you. You will be able to run down those streets and laugh and play. You will be free from this disease. You will be WELL!

Amidst all our tears, we have a real sense of peace. But, we know that the next days will challenge everything we are holding onto. So, we ask God for the peace that passes all understanding, peace that we believe can only come from Him. Please, please continue praying that we can keep Carmen comfortable and that we end this journey well.

Thank you,

Dave and Lana

What do you do when you ask God for something and He says, “No?”

Go ahead. Talk. Or write!

Here is Hope with her oh-so-serious look.

***

Speaking of serious, we would appreciate some serious prayer.

Awhile ago, we asked the owners of our townhouse if they would finish the bathroom in the basement (Really, it’s the first floor. It’s above ground and has a sliding-glass backdoor and lots of windows. But we spend most of the time on the second floor and sleep on the third floor). Our hope was that if we moved Carmen and the nurses from the third floor to the first floor, we could have a little bit of privacy while the nurses are here at night and in the morning. During the day, Carmen would still be with us on the main (second) floor.

Well, the owners said they empathized with our situation but would not finish the bathroom in the basement.

We spoke with a Realtor and there is nothing in Lauren’s current school district for rent.

While these were certainly not the answers we were hoping to receive, they have led us to step back and reconsider something we’ve been wrestling with for the past couple of years.

In short, we are wondering if now is the time for us to leave this area. So many things would have to fall into place:

• Timing: Our lease is up at the end of June.
• Location: Dave needs to be reasonably close to a major airport. Ideally, he would be near one of his company’s offices so he can work-from-home some and work-in-the-office some. Carmen needs to be in an area with doctors, nursing care and Hospice care. And all of those need to take our insurance!
• School: Lauren will be entering first grade in the Fall so school district is very important.
• House: We strongly prefer a home with a separate space for Carmen and the night nurses.
• Support System: We can’t do this alone. So, wherever we live needs to have an instant support system.
• Church: We can always watch Andy Stanley and Francis Chan DVDs but a great local church is very important to us.

Thank you in advance for praying with us. We want to live boldly but not foolishly. Sometimes the line between those two is hard to discern.

]]> http://www.beautifulcanvas.org/2010/05/so-serious/feed/ 13 http://www.beautifulcanvas.org/2010/04/to-bloom-again/ http://www.beautifulcanvas.org/2010/04/to-bloom-again/#comments Wed, 28 Apr 2010 14:35:05 +0000 Lana http://www.beautifulcanvas.org/?p=7715 It’s been a rough week. We would greatly appreciate your prayers. Here are the specifics.

Wes and Steve (Dave’s brothers)

Brief update: Wes’ body rejected the kidney that Steve donated last week. Wes is still in the hospital, hoping to be released tomorrow. He has been dealing with a lot of pain but is feeling better. Steve is also doing better and may get to travel back home today (he has been recuperating near the hospital).

• For Wes to continue recovering from two major kidney surgeries within a week.
• For Steve to continue recovering from donating his kidney last week.
• For both to emotionally heal.
• For Steve’s and Wes’ families. They too have gone through a very traumatic week.
• For the doctors to come up with the best course of action for Wes now.

Our Family

• For our marriage. Lately, we have not been responding well to the enormous amount of  stress we are under.
• For our living situation. We are still in limbo land as far as where we will be living after this summer. The owners of our townhouse did send out two contractors for an estimate on finishing the basement bathroom but we haven’t heard further.
• For Carmen. There’s nothing specific going on with Carmen but we always appreciate your prayers for her.

I took a picture of these flowers in our front yard a few weeks ago. They only bloomed for a few days. But, they reminded me that the bleak, dead days are only for a season and that life does bloom again.

Please pray!

***

The doctors were unable to save Wes’ new kidney.

***

Today is the big day for Dave’s two brothers. Dave’s younger brother, Steve, is donating a kidney to Dave’s older brother, Wes. They are in surgery now. Please pray that all goes well with both surgeries, recoveries, and that Wes’s body accepts the new kidney.

]]> http://www.beautifulcanvas.org/2010/04/good-morning-to-you/feed/ 13 http://www.beautifulcanvas.org/2010/04/brothers-kidneys-and-brothers-with-a-kidney/ http://www.beautifulcanvas.org/2010/04/brothers-kidneys-and-brothers-with-a-kidney/#comments Tue, 13 Apr 2010 12:56:23 +0000 Dave © http://www.beautifulcanvas.org/?p=7387 Once upon a time, there were three brothers. They all had kidneys that worked just fine.

One day, the eldest brother’s kidneys began to fail. Doctors told him that he’d need a transplant very soon. The other two brothers were tested and both were considered matches. And so there was great discussion among the three brothers about donating a kidney to the eldest brother and which of the brothers would donate.

But as these discussions took place, the kidneys of the eldest brother stabilized. They weren’t particularly effective. Yet they weren’t bad enough to warrant an immediate transplant. One day passed. Then a week. A month. A year. God had stood time still, or so it seemed. Talk of a transplant dissipated.

Almost ten years later, the kidneys of the eldest brother once again began their downward spiral and discussions about a transplant ensued. The youngest brother stepped forward and said he would be the one to donate one of his kidneys. They scheduled the transplant for April 20, 2010. They underwent additional tests to prepare for the surgery.

Now…they wait.

Lord willing, my two brothers will go under the knife one week from today and my younger brother, Steve, will donate one of his kidneys to my older brother, Wes.

I humbly request that you join me in prayer for this surgery, that all will go well and that both of my brothers will recover quickly and fully. My prayer is that come this time next week, I’ll have two brothers, each of whom has one perfectly healthy kidney.

Thanks,

Dave

I hate to write this, but we need to.  Elise is doing really bad now.  Her O2 sats are not coming up, and she is severely anemic.  We can’t do much else for her now except keep her comfortable and prepare for the end.  I wish we didn’t have to let her go, but it has to happen, I guess.  We’ll let you know what happens as time progresses. She’s on oxygen and just had some morphine to help calm her.   —John

Elise’s 7th birthday is a week from Friday. Please pray for Elise and her family. I am praying that Elise will pull through this and her family will be able to joyfully celebrate her 7th birthday. And I’m praying that Elise will be comfortable and that her family will feel God’s love, comfort and peace.

Update Tuesday night from Elise’s parents:

With an aching heart…Elise officially earned her angel wings at 7:07 p.m. She was being held by John and I as she took her last breath, surrounded by her loving family and friends. Rest in peace Sweet Angel.

Recently, Carlos over at ragamuffinsoul.com posted perhaps his best blog ever. I’ll send you over there but in quick summary, Carlos had an amazing encounter with a homeless guy named Danny. Most of us wouldn’t think that a homeless guy is exactly making it in life but Danny would disagree. He actually told Carlos that he is not just trying to make it, he is making it. And that God says, yea though you walk through the valley of the shadow of death… and He places some of us in that valley.

I’m still not sure how we are going to make it through this valley but if Danny is making it, I pray Dave and I will too.

We sure could use your prayers for strength for each day.

Click here to read Carlos’ blog and watch the AMAZING video of Carlos and Danny.

***

Dave would certainly appreciate your prayers too. He went to the doctor this morning and has bronchitis. He started an antibiotic today and hopefully it will work fast!

Thanks to Tammy and Jason for the delicious chili, cornbread and salad. I am just about to go eat more for lunch!