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By Dave ©, August 17, 2010 3:05 pm

August 15, 2010, ~1:45 am…

“Lauren,” I whispered as I gently tapped her shoulder to wake her up.

“Lauren,” I said a little louder, shaking her gently.

“Lauren!” I finally said out loud. Her eyes popped open and she stared at me. “There’s something I need to tell you. Something about Carmen.” She looked at me intently, not saying a word. “Carmen went to Heaven a little while ago.”

“WHAT?”

After a brief moment, Lauren burst into tears and wrapped her arms and legs around me. We lay on her bed, holding each other as the tears rolled down our cheeks.

“Do you want to go say goodbye?” I asked.

She shook her head up and down, still crying.

I carried her downstairs, where Lana was waiting with Carmen. Lauren didn’t know what to say so I whispered a few things to Carmen for the three of us. Then I took Lauren back upstairs to her bedroom.

More tears. More hugs. “I need a tissue,” she whimpered.

I returned with a box of tissues. We then did the only thing I could think of at that moment. We prayed. We thanked God for Carmen, that she was such a great daughter and sister. As I thanked him that Carmen could now do things she couldn’t do just yesterday, Lauren interjected emphatically.

“Thank you, Lord, that Carmen can walk,” I said.

“That she can RUN!” Lauren added.

“Thank you that she can talk.”

“And SING!”

“Thank you that she is whole.”

“And FREE!”

“We will miss her greatly…”

“YES.”

“…and we can’t wait to see her again.”

“YES.”

After we prayed, neither one of us said a word for what seemed like forever. I knew Lauren was still awake because there was an occasional movement from an arm or a leg. Finally, I asked, “What do you think Carmen is doing right now?”

“She’s walking,” Lauren responded.

“Yeah, I bet you’re right.”

After imagining and talking about all the things Carmen was probably doing at that very moment, Lauren rolled over, looked straight into my eyes and asked poignantly, “How did she die?”

“Well, God decided it was time for her to go to Heaven.”

“No, I mean…did her heart stop?”

“Yeah. It did.”

“Did it just stop or did it go like this (making a downward sloping motion with her hand)?”

“It slowed down and eventually stopped,” I told her.

“Did it go to zero?”

“Yeah.”

“Daddy, will you please tell me a story?”

“Sure kiddo. Once upon a time, there was a beautiful little girl…”

Comments (79)

By Lana, August 6, 2010 10:00 pm

Dear Family and Friends,

As you know, Carmen hasn’t been doing very well since last Saturday. A few nights ago Carmen once again spiked a fever and had 80% oxygen levels despite 5 liters of oxygen. She wasn’t able to tolerate her feeding and was breathing 86 breaths per minute. Since then, we have been giving her Tylenol and Motrin to keep the fever down and alternating morphine and Ativan to keep her comfortable.

Carmen’s life on this earth is nearing its end. As you can imagine, this is excruciatingly painful.

Yet, somehow, it is joyful at the same time. A few years ago we met with our pastor and talked through all that we were facing with Carmen’s disease. He said to us, “What a privilege you have been given to usher this child into the arms of God.” We keep thinking, Carmen, you are going to HEAVEN! You are going to meet Jesus! There are streets of gold and a mansion waiting for you. You will be able to run down those streets and laugh and play. You will be free from this disease. You will be WELL!

Amidst all our tears, we have a real sense of peace. But, we know that the next days will challenge everything we are holding onto. So, we ask God for the peace that passes all understanding, peace that we believe can only come from Him. Please, please continue praying that we can keep Carmen comfortable and that we end this journey well.

Thank you,

Dave and Lana

Comments (22)

By Dave ©, May 14, 2010 9:13 am

Several weeks ago, I asked you all if you would join us in prayer for what was then an upcoming kidney transplant between my two brothers. By now, we all know that it didn’t go so well. And so it begs the question.

What do you do when you ask God for something and He says, “No?”

Go ahead. Talk. Or write!

Comments (13)

By Lana, May 7, 2010 9:27 am

When Hope wakes up in the morning, she is all smiles and coos. I grab the camera and she immediately puts on her serious face. Maybe smiling at the strange looking black thing is a learned behavior?

Here is Hope with her oh-so-serious look.

***

Speaking of serious, we would appreciate some serious prayer.

Awhile ago, we asked the owners of our townhouse if they would finish the bathroom in the basement (Really, it’s the first floor. It’s above ground and has a sliding-glass backdoor and lots of windows. But we spend most of the time on the second floor and sleep on the third floor). Our hope was that if we moved Carmen and the nurses from the third floor to the first floor, we could have a little bit of privacy while the nurses are here at night and in the morning. During the day, Carmen would still be with us on the main (second) floor.

Well, the owners said they empathized with our situation but would not finish the bathroom in the basement.

We spoke with a Realtor and there is nothing in Lauren’s current school district for rent.

While these were certainly not the answers we were hoping to receive, they have led us to step back and reconsider something we’ve been wrestling with for the past couple of years.

In short, we are wondering if now is the time for us to leave this area. So many things would have to fall into place:

• Timing: Our lease is up at the end of June.
• Location: Dave needs to be reasonably close to a major airport. Ideally, he would be near one of his company’s offices so he can work-from-home some and work-in-the-office some. Carmen needs to be in an area with doctors, nursing care and Hospice care. And all of those need to take our insurance!
• School: Lauren will be entering first grade in the Fall so school district is very important.
• House: We strongly prefer a home with a separate space for Carmen and the night nurses.
• Support System: We can’t do this alone. So, wherever we live needs to have an instant support system.
• Church: We can always watch Andy Stanley and Francis Chan DVDs but a great local church is very important to us.

Thank you in advance for praying with us. We want to live boldly but not foolishly. Sometimes the line between those two is hard to discern.

Comments (11)

By Lana, April 28, 2010 10:35 am

It’s been a rough week. We would greatly appreciate your prayers. Here are the specifics.

Wes and Steve (Dave’s brothers)

Brief update: Wes’ body rejected the kidney that Steve donated last week. Wes is still in the hospital, hoping to be released tomorrow. He has been dealing with a lot of pain but is feeling better. Steve is also doing better and may get to travel back home today (he has been recuperating near the hospital).

• For Wes to continue recovering from two major kidney surgeries within a week.
• For Steve to continue recovering from donating his kidney last week.
• For both to emotionally heal.
• For Steve’s and Wes’ families. They too have gone through a very traumatic week.
• For the doctors to come up with the best course of action for Wes now.

Our Family

• For our marriage. Lately, we have not been responding well to the enormous amount of  stress we are under.
• For our living situation. We are still in limbo land as far as where we will be living after this summer. The owners of our townhouse did send out two contractors for an estimate on finishing the basement bathroom but we haven’t heard further.
• For Carmen. There’s nothing specific going on with Carmen but we always appreciate your prayers for her.

I took a picture of these flowers in our front yard a few weeks ago. They only bloomed for a few days. But, they reminded me that the bleak, dead days are only for a season and that life does bloom again.