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By Lana, December 7, 2009 10:17 pm

I never imagined that Dave would be the reader in our family. When I first met him in 1994, I had read hundreds and hundreds of books. Dave, not so many. I think Cliffs Notes were more his style. Yet today, Dave is the one who has a book in hand and is always on the hunt for something new and inspiring to read.

Recently Dave bought Donald Miller’s A Million Miles In A Thousand Years. We had already watched Donald’s Let Story Guide You lecture and have been haunted by the question, “If your life was made into a movie, would you want to go see it?”

Is the story of our lives about our own comfort, ease and pleasure? Is our story one of buying and collecting for ourselves? How are our lives meaningful? Most importantly, what story are our children a part of?

There is one chapter in A Million Miles In A Thousand Years that really, really hit me. It’s called How Jason Saved His Family.

Donald meets up with his friend Jason who is having major problems with his 13 year old daughter. Jason finds pot hidden in her closet and she is dating a real mess of a guy. Jason and his wife try grounding her but things get worse. Donald suggests something that gets Jason’s attention. He tells Jason that his daughter is living a terrible story.

Jason asks what he means and Donald explains that the elements of a story involve a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it. He tells Jason, “She’s just not living a very good story. She’s caught up in a bad one.”

A couple of months later Donald runs into Jason and asks about his daughter. “She’s better,” he says to me, smiling. And when I ask why, he tells me his family is living a better story.

After Jason and Donald first talk, Jason goes home and thinks about the story his family is living and the role his daughter is playing inside that story. He realizes he hasn’t mapped out a story for his family or provided a better role for his daughter. So his daughter chooses another story. A story in which there is risk and adventure, rebellion and independence.

Jason decides to stop yelling at his daughter and create a better story to invite her into. He researches on the internet and decides that his family is going to focus on orphans. He finds an organization that builds orphanages around the world. He calls a family meeting and tells his wife and daughter that their family is going to give the $25,000 needed to build an orphanage in Mexico. And he tells them that he has already committed to building it.

Jason mistakenly fails to mention any of this to his wife ahead of time and she is rightly upset with him. They have no money and just took a second mortgage on their home. That night they are lying in bed and he explains the whole story thing, about how they aren’t taking risks, aren’t helping anybody and how their daughter is losing interest. The next day Jason’s wife says she is proud of him.

Jason’s daughter decides she wants to go to Mexico to meet the kids. She breaks up with her boyfriend. She gets involved in the new story.  As Jason says, “No girl who plays the role of a hero dates a guy who uses her. She knows who she is. She just forgot for a little while.”

Dave and I have been wrestling with and praying about all of this. What are we intentionally doing to create a great family story, one that our children will want to be a part of? Right now caring for Carmen is a major part of our story. Her very existence is an amazing story. But, Carmen won’t be here forever and then what?

At this point, we are fairly certain that our story will center around helping orphans too. To be honest, we didn’t have grand visions about helping orphans when we chose to adopt Carmen. But Carmen has impacted us so greatly that our hearts are drawn to helping more children. But we’re not exactly sure how.

What story do you want your life to tell so that your life is worthy of a movie?

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By Lana, February 7, 2009 12:58 pm

Carmen update: Carmen is looking and sounding really good! Thank you for all of your prayers. I am so hopeful that she will continue to get better and soon be back to her normal. Dave still sounds really congested and I am thinking of strapping Carmen’s Vest on him and jiggling him up too! Big thanks to Karen and Tammy for meals yesterday and today.

Dave made me read The Barbarian Way by Erwin McManus. Well, really he left multiple copies around the house and then when I told him I was going to give up TV for 3 weeks (our church did the 21 day Daniel fast and, since I was already on a diet, I decided to give up TV), he handed The Barbarian Way to me and said, “Read this!!!” So, while I rode my exercise bike, I read this book.

One section stood out to me. “If even He (Jesus) found Himself sweating blood at Gethsemane, then we should be certain we will stand in crisis moments where all we can do after asking for relief is declare, ‘Not my will, but Yours.’ In those moments you may find very few who stand by you to provide you comfort and strength, and strangely enough, you may find far too many trying to reason with you that God would never require so much of anyone.”

I’ve thought to myself a few times, “What if we have or adopt another child and he/she is terminally ill? Surely God wouldn’t allow this to happen again! I’ve dealt with enough pain. I have accepted that we are going to lose Carmen but from now on, I want smooth sailing. No sickness, no death, no tragedies, no pain!!!!” But, I know that is not how this life works, and we often have to give up far more than is “fair.”

I have a feeling that when Jesus died on the cross, His disciples were saying, “This is not fair! Look at all the people He healed! He did not deserve this!” Jesus’ disciples couldn’t see the big picture, just like I cannot see the big picture of my own life.

Dave and I have friends who lost all four of their children. And I do wonder why God would require so much of anyone. They experienced the valley of the shadow of death. But, I look at this couple and see pure joy. And when I asked them how they said, “We tried bitter and chose being better over being bitter.”

Erwin McManus calls us to return to untamed faith, the barbarian way. Faith that makes no sense. Faith that isn’t pretty or easy or safe.

I like pretty and easy and safe.

The past couple of years with Carmen haven’t been easy or safe.  But somehow they have been far more fullfilling than I ever dreamed.

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By Lana, December 9, 2008 9:40 pm

I picked up Reckless Faith by Beth Guckenberger at the bookstore this past weekend. The cover caught my eye- a picture of a young Hispanic girl. The back cover sealed the deal. “Time and again I’ve been led to trust God, with my little mustard seed of faith, to see how he not only shows up in our circumstances- but he shows off! It’s not because he needs to prove himself; rather, he is demonstrating to society- the orphans that I serve- that he will be their Father and Protector and Provider.”

For the past two days I haven’t gotten much done as I have read the amazing stories from the Guckenberger’s orphan ministry in Monterrey, Mexico. This is the kind of book that makes me very uncomfortable but in a good way.

Dave and I have both started feeling restless and uncomfortable with life. We have felt for awhile that God is preparing us for something. We talk a lot about how we don’t want to go back to “normal” after Carmen dies. Not that our previous normal life was bad but Carmen has given us a glimpse of a far more fulfilling life. A life where we are giving of ourselves.

We want to live for something more than accumulation and our own happiness. Even if it means giving up comfortable lives, we want to let go and be led. But, gosh, that is SCARY! I’m scared of the possibilities and the sacrifices we might have to make. I imagine myself kicking, screaming, and holding on for dear life to all that is easy and convenient. But I am more scared of not doing anything and letting opportunities pass us by. I do hope that God doesn’t ask me to go somewhere with no air conditioning. I truly detest being hot!!!!!!!!!

We have no idea what the future holds. Right now we have two little girls to care for and love. We are confident that God has plans for us. Just like He had a plan for a little girl in Guatemala.

Thank you God for showing up and showing off in Carmen’s life!

Carmen and me

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By Lana, September 6, 2008 11:51 am

Carmen has a fever today and is coughing some. We completely stopped giving her Robinul to control secretions and switched over to the Scop patch. She is peeing more but oftentimes will not pee for hours and hours and then a deluge happens! She continues to have daily diarrhea. We have no idea why.

Good news! A new nurse will come in for orientation Monday night. She was a NICU (neo-natal intensive care unit) nurse in Pennsylvania and just moved here. We are praying that she is good and a wonderful fit for our family.

This summer I read quite a few books thanks to my friend Lori. I have always loved to read and find it a wonderful distraction from my hectic life. I have been thinking of doing “book reviews” on here occasionally. I decided to start with my top 5 books. I’ll start with #1, just in case I don’t get to all 5 in a reasonable amount of time (like 10 years!).

God’ Smuggler by Brother Andrew (May 11, 1928-     ). God’s Smuggler is the story of Brother Andrew’s incredible efforts to transport Bibles across closed borders and the miraculous ways in which God provided for him every step of the way. This book is filled with hair-raising examples of God’s provision. Brother Andrew did not start off with the amazing faith he came to possess. God showed Himself faithful in the “small” things and Brother Andrew believed.

As a young man, Brother Andrew felt God’s call to mission work. So, he enrolled in Worldwide Evangelization Crusade Missionary Training College in Glasgow. This was no ordinary training. The focus was on learning to trust God for EVERYTHING. In one exercise in trust, 5 students including Brother Andrew were to go on a missionary tour of Scotland. The students were each given a one pound banknote (which they were expected to pay back at the end of the tour) and had to pay all of their expenses themselves, but were to never, never ask for money. My favorite story happened when the group was holding meetings in Edinburgh. They decided to hold tea for a group of young people. But, they had no tea, no cake, no bread and butter and only 5 cups. The young people volunteered to bring everything but the cake. So, the young missionaries in training had no cake for their tea. The following is an excerpt of what happened:

“So that night in our evening prayer time, we put the matter before the Lord. ‘Lord, we’ve got ourselves into a spot. From somewhere we’ve got to get a cake. Will You help us?’

That night as we rolled up in our blankets on the floor of the hall, we played guessing games: How was God going to give us that cake? Among the five of us, we guesed everything imaginable- or so we thought.

Morning arrived. We half expected a heavenly messenger to come to our door bearing a cake. But no one came. The morning mail arrived. We ripped open two letters, hoping for money. There was none. A woman from a nearby church came by to see if she could help. ‘Cake,’ was on the tip of all of our tongues, but we swallowed the word and shook our heads.

‘Everything,’ we assured her, ‘is in God’s hands.’

The tea had been announced for four o’clock in the afternoon. At three the tables were set, but still we had no cake. Three-thirty came. We put on water to boil. Three-forty-five.

And then the doorbell rang.

All of us ran together to the big front entrance, and there was the postman. In his hands was a large box.

‘Hello, lads,’ said the postman. ‘Got something for you that feels like a food package.’ He handed the box to one of the boys. ‘The delivery day is over, actually,’ he said, ‘but I hate to leave a perishable package overnight.’

We thanked him profusely, and the minute he closed the door the boy solemnly handed me the box. ‘It’s for you, Andrew. From Mrs. William Hopkins in London.’

I took the package and carefully unwrapped it. Off came the twine. Off came the brown outside paper. Inside, there was no note- only a large white box. Deep in my soul I knew that I could afford the drama of lifting the lid slowly. As I did, there, in perfect condition, to be admired by five sets of wondering eyes, was an enormous, glistening, moist, chocolate cake.”

And thus began a life of trust. Brother Andrew learned to trust God for every provision he ever needed, big or “small”. He trusted God when he took Bibles across hostile borders. He did not live in the lap of luxury by any means. But, his many, many stories of God’s miraculous provisions are worth far more than gold!

When I read this about 20 years ago, I was struck by two things. 1) When we are following God’s leading, He can be trusted to provide everything we need in His perfect timing. 2) God knows exactly what we need and He is perfectly capable of leading other people to provide our needs.

I know it is very tempting to share our needs as prayer requests or struggles. I am very guilty of this very thing. But, when we allow God to supply our needs, without anyone else knowing ahead of time, our faith grows leaps and bounds as we see God work! (There are times when God leads us to share our needs…I am just saying that in general, watching God work without our “help” is so much more rewarding!)

You can find this book most anywhere: Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Christian bookstores, etc. Read it. You will love it and think about it for the rest of your life!

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By Lana, January 9, 2008 8:27 am

I am reading a wonderful book called The One Year Book of Hope by Nancy Guthrie (www.nancyguthrie.com). Nancy has an older son and lost two children to Zellweger Syndrome, a rare genetic disease in which the children live about 6 months. After her daughter, Hope, passed away, Nancy’s husband underwent a vasectomy because they knew they had a 25% chance of having another child with Zellweger Syndrome. A year and a half after Hope’s death, Nancy discovered that she was pregnant. This baby also had Zellweger Syndrome. Gabriel was born and lived 183 days. Rather than feeling incredibly sorry for themselves, the Guthries chose to view their children as gifts and blessings. From my own experience, this is a choice. I can choose to groan and moan about my horrible luck (and this is very, very tempting at times). I mean, how unlikely that we would adopt a seemingly healthy child from Guatemala who later would be diagnosed with an ultra-rare fatal genetic disease? I can choose to view Carmen as an incredible gift. I have to give her back much too soon but right now I can enjoy my very precious little girl.

This week Carmen has three doctors’ appointments. Physical medicine specialist, orthotics to measure for ankle braces, and appointment to schedule G-tube surgery. I clogged up Carmen’s NG-tube again with Prevacid- eek! Today I soaked the Prevacid tablet in Coke so hopefully no more clogs!