Beautiful Canvas

7 Months and On the Go!

Lana — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 17:58:58 +0000

Hope turned 7 months old two days ago. It is hard to believe that Lauren is in first grade and it is even harder to believe that Hope is growing up so fast!

Hope is on the go all the time. She started crawling at 6 months and hasn’t slowed down yet. In fact, she’s so busy scooting around that she hasn’t learned to sit up yet. When we put her in a sitting position she immediately flips herself onto her tummy and takes off crawling. There is no stopping this girl!

Here’s Hope, hiding out in the kitchen. She often finds hiding places. If she is quiet for too long I know she has found a stash of Lauren’s toys. Lauren never had to worry about her toys being covered in baby slobber when Carmen was little. Dave is doing his best to convince Lauren that baby slobber isn’t gross. Lauren is not convinced.

Hope LOVES baths now. She kicks her feet so hard that taking a picture during bath time is challenging. I stood as far back as I could and zoomed in but the lens still got a bit wet!

Hope is a sweet baby and we are extremely grateful to have her. Love, love, love this baby girl!

Where There is Life, There is Hope

Dave © — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 22:35:17 +0000

I came across this video by way of Laurie, another parent of a child who succumbed to Tay Sachs disease.

Grab your tissues.

Thanks to so many of you who have donated to NTSAD in honor of Carmen. We genuinely appreciate it!

First Day of First Grade

Lana — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 21:11:06 +0000

It is hard to believe that a year ago, we watched Lauren climb on board the bus and head off to school as a kindergartner. I was a bit anxious and so was Lauren, although no one would have known Lauren was anything other than ecstatic about her first day of school. She smiled and skipped her way to school. Later she told me that she was nervous.

This morning Lauren woke up and said, “I am SO EXCITED! I LOVE school!” She is especially thrilled to have her best friend in her class.

I am not one of those moms who laments the first day of school. I loved school so much as a kid that I just expect my kids to love it too! And, the truth is, I enjoy a break. And I’m quite sure Lauren enjoys a break from me.

Here’s our cutie-pie, all ready for first grade. (Last year Lauren was fine with her preschool princess backpack. This year she had an opinion about her backpack. She requested rolling luggage and presented a compelling case: she needed rolling luggage to avoid hurting her back while carrying all of her supplies, homework, lunch, etc. She is a LOT like her daddy!)

Orange for Carmen

Lana — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 14:20:43 +0000

As many of you know, we held a burial service for Carmen in upstate New York last week. Thankfully, we didn’t have to do much of the planning for this service as Dave and I were both exhausted from the past few weeks. We did, however, have to make one choice, the color of Carmen’s vault. With any color available, Dave chose orange since Carmen always looked wonderful in orange.

In case you don’t know (I didn’t), the vault is put into the ground and then the casket is placed inside the vault. Once in the ground, no one can see the vault. It’s just there to protect the casket.

At first, I thought choosing orange was strange but once I saw it I thought it was a great idea. Carmen did look wonderful in orange.

The cross on Carmen’s vault

***

Thanks so much for all the cards, emails, flowers, gifts, meals, and donations to Mi Refugio and NTSAD. We appreciate your love and generosity so very much!

A Day in Lancaster

Lana — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 21:39:09 +0000

After Carmen’s burial service in New York, we drove to Lancaster, PA. We wanted to do something fun with the girls. We gave Lauren several options and she picked a horse and buggy ride as one of our adventures.

Doesn’t this horse look like he is smiling?

Now he is sticking his tongue out at us.

Lauren got to sit in the front seat with the Amish driver.

Trotting along the country road.

Hope enjoyed the ride too, despite only napping for 30 minutes all day long!

It’s strange to be able to do whatever we want, whenever we want. I catch myself looking around for Carmen. When 7pm arrives, I think that the night nurse should be arriving. I glance at the suction machine, thinking that I need to make sure it is charged. This new “normal” is going to take a while to get used to.

It Seems So Final

Lana — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 01:40:33 +0000

On Tuesday, we buried Carmen’s body in a family plot in upstate New York. Her grave is at the foot of Dave’s grandpa’s, under a tree. Dave’s grandpa was a truly wonderful man and I feel honored to have my daughter buried so close to him. I know it’s just their bodies, not them. But, it still brings me comfort.

Dave’s dad led the burial service. The service was attended by family and a few close friends. I think there were eleven kids present. We wanted the kids to feel free to ask any questions they might have or make any comments. They raised their hands and asked questions like, “Where is Carmen now?” and “Why is the hole so deep?”

It seems so final.

Coffee and Life Revisited

Dave © — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 02:00:46 +0000

July 5th, 2007. It’s a day that will stand forever as one of the most pivotal days — if not the most pivotal day — in our lives. It’s the day that spawned this website. Here is what I wrote:

Erwin McManus said recently that a great cup of coffee can only be truly enjoyed by using our senses of taste and smell. “You may not know this,” he said, “but the dominant experience of tasting something is actually through smelling it.” *

The problem, he says, is that most of us drink our cups of coffee with little plastic lids on them. “We have learned to put lids on our coffee so they keep us safe and don’t burn us.” * But by doing so, we don’t allow ourselves to get the most out of our coffee drinking experiences. We never fully enjoy what could be a great cup of coffee because we’re so afraid of getting burned. And so, we settle for second-best.

***

As I sit here trying to digest what Lana and I were told at the doctor’s office earlier today (that Carmen most likely has a rare — fatal — genetic disease called Tay Sachs), I can’t help but wonder, “How will this turn out to be a really great cup of coffee?”

Is it possible to get burned but still fully taste and enjoy the rest of the coffee? Is it possible to get scalded by grief and loss but still fully taste and enjoy life?

I think so.

But I think it’s only possible if there is a huge God out there, One who loves us, knows what is best for us and allows — dare I say, even directs — certain things to happen because of what only He can see.

That’s where I am right now. I am not questioning God. Really. I am not. I’m not saying that I haven’t ever questioned God or that I won’t ever question Him again. But right now, at least for the moment, I trust fully that He knows what He’s doing even though I don’t understand it at all. And I pray that I stay right here, leaning wholly on Him to do what only He can do.

*Paraphrase and quotes by Erwin Raphael McManus from his message entitled, “Romance Unwrapped # 1″

So here we are on the other side of this cup of coffee. The coffee is still in our stomachs but the cup is now empty. And, honestly, I am in the same place. Really, I have no choice. I have encountered the living God and when that happens, there’s just no other way. Nothing else seems even remotely appealing. He is in control. He knows what’s best. He has our best interest in mind. He can be trusted.

Blessed Be Your Name

Lana — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 00:35:22 +0000

Blessed be Your name
When the sun’s shining down on me
When the world’s ‘all as it should be’
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

~Matt Redman

Carmen and me, May 2008

Photo by Sarah Mattingly

The Day After

Lana — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 21:22:04 +0000

As most of you know, Carmen’s funeral was last night. It was beautiful. I didn’t think I would cry…I was wrong. It was wonderful to see people from so many different parts of Carmen’s life. Thank you to everyone who came. It meant a lot to us. Click here to read Carmen’s eulogy, which was written and communicated by Dave’s brother, Wes.

Dave is part of a film-making message board and one of the guys on that board volunteered to film the service. At some point, Dave will edit the footage and post videos of Carmen’s funeral. We would love for all of you to hear Wes’s eulogy, Dr. Pedreira’s message, the slide show of Carmen’s life, Kerri’s rendition of “Our God Is In Control” and Lauren’s rendition of “How Great Thou Art” (not our little Lauren…although our little Lauren wanted to sing “All the Single Ladies” or “Put Your Records On”!) At the end, our little Lauren read a note she wrote for Carmen, the note she put in the casket.

I’m so tired I can’t think of anything more to write so I’ll just close here.

Carmen’s Funeral Service

Lana — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 02:32:44 +0000

Carmen’s funeral will be held this Friday, August 20, 2010 at 7:30pm at Church of the Redeemer, 19425 Woodfield Road, Gaithersburg, MD 20879. We would be honored to have you join us as we celebrate Carmen’s life and the impact she had on us. Click here to get directions.

In lieu of flowers, donations can be made in the name of Carmen Coddington to:

Mi Refugio (an organization serving the children living in and around the Guatemala City dump)
4908 Jasmine Drive
Rockville, MD 20853
301-929-1267 www.mirefugio.org

National Tay Sachs and Allied Diseases (an organization fighting to find a cure for Tay Sachs)
2001 Beacon Street
Suite 204
Boston, MA 02135
or make a donation online at www.ntsad.org
1-800-906-8723

(NOTE: We’ve updated the date of the post so that this remains on top for this week. See below for newer posts.)