Archive - Dave’s Musings RSS Feed

Coffee and Life Revisited

August 23, 2010 in Dave's Musings, Tay Sachs with 29 Comments

July 5th, 2007. It’s a day that will stand forever as one of the most pivotal days — if not the most pivotal day — in our lives. It’s the day that spawned this website. Here is what I wrote:

Erwin McManus said recently that a great cup of coffee can only be truly enjoyed by using our senses of taste and smell. “You may not know this,” he said, “but the dominant experience of tasting something is actually through smelling it.” *

The problem, he says, is that most of us drink our cups of coffee with little plastic lids on them. “We have learned to put lids on our coffee so they keep us safe and don’t burn us.” * But by doing so, we don’t allow ourselves to get the most out of our coffee drinking experiences. We never fully enjoy what could be a great cup of coffee because we’re so afraid of getting burned. And so, we settle for second-best.

***

As I sit here trying to digest what Lana and I were told at the doctor’s office earlier today (that Carmen most likely has a rare — fatal — genetic disease called Tay Sachs), I can’t help but wonder, “How will this turn out to be a really great cup of coffee?”

Is it possible to get burned but still fully taste and enjoy the rest of the coffee? Is it possible to get scalded by grief and loss but still fully taste and enjoy life?

I think so.

But I think it’s only possible if there is a huge God out there, One who loves us, knows what is best for us and allows — dare I say, even directs — certain things to happen because of what only He can see.

That’s where I am right now. I am not questioning God. Really. I am not. I’m not saying that I haven’t ever questioned God or that I won’t ever question Him again. But right now, at least for the moment, I trust fully that He knows what He’s doing even though I don’t understand it at all. And I pray that I stay right here, leaning wholly on Him to do what only He can do.

*Paraphrase and quotes by Erwin Raphael McManus from his message entitled, “Romance Unwrapped # 1″

So here we are on the other side of this cup of coffee. The coffee is still in our stomachs but the cup is now empty. And, honestly, I am in the same place. Really, I have no choice. I have encountered the living God and when that happens, there’s just no other way. Nothing else seems even remotely appealing. He is in control. He knows what’s best. He has our best interest in mind. He can be trusted.

The Moment After…With Lauren

August 17, 2010 in Dave's Musings, Tay Sachs with 56 Comments

August 15, 2010, ~1:45 am…

“Lauren,” I whispered as I gently tapped her shoulder to wake her up.

“Lauren,” I said a little louder, shaking her gently.

“Lauren!” I finally said out loud. Her eyes popped open and she stared at me. “There’s something I need to tell you. Something about Carmen.” She looked at me intently, not saying a word. “Carmen went to Heaven a little while ago.”

“WHAT?”

After a brief moment, Lauren burst into tears and wrapped her arms and legs around me. We lay on her bed, holding each other as the tears rolled down our cheeks.

“Do you want to go say goodbye?” I asked.

She shook her head up and down, still crying.

I carried her downstairs, where Lana was waiting with Carmen. Lauren didn’t know what to say so I whispered a few things to Carmen for the three of us. Then I took Lauren back upstairs to her bedroom.

More tears. More hugs. “I need a tissue,” she whimpered.

I returned with a box of tissues. We then did the only thing I could think of at that moment. We prayed. We thanked God for Carmen, that she was such a great daughter and sister. As I thanked him that Carmen could now do things she couldn’t do just yesterday, Lauren interjected emphatically.

“Thank you, Lord, that Carmen can walk,” I said.

“That she can RUN!” Lauren added.

“Thank you that she can talk.”

“And SING!”

“Thank you that she is whole.”

“And FREE!”

“We will miss her greatly…”

“YES.”

“…and we can’t wait to see her again.”

“YES.”

After we prayed, neither one of us said a word for what seemed like forever. I knew Lauren was still awake because there was an occasional movement from an arm or a leg. Finally, I asked, “What do you think Carmen is doing right now?”

“She’s walking,” Lauren responded.

“Yeah, I bet you’re right.”

After imagining and talking about all the things Carmen was probably doing at that very moment, Lauren rolled over, looked straight into my eyes and asked poignantly, “How did she die?”

“Well, God decided it was time for her to go to Heaven.”

“No, I mean…did her heart stop?”

“Yeah. It did.”

“Did it just stop or did it go like this (making a downward sloping motion with her hand)?”

“It slowed down and eventually stopped,” I told her.

“Did it go to zero?”

“Yeah.”

“Daddy, will you please tell me a story?”

“Sure kiddo. Once upon a time, there was a beautiful little girl…”

The Dog Days of Summer

August 13, 2010 in Dave's Musings, Tay Sachs with 18 Comments

August. It’s the time of year to enjoy sitting pool-side, lake-side, ocean-side, or some other water-side. It’s the time of year when families squeeze the last ounce of fun into their soon-ending summer vacation. It’s the time of year when some begin preparing for the upcoming school year.

We could be doing those things. But we’re not.

Instead, we are sitting Carmen-side watching her life slowly fade away. We are preparing…preparing for a funeral and life without our little girl.

***

We still believe that God can heal Carmen, even at this seemingly late hour in her life. We have asked him many times to heal her broken body. But as the hours grow darker and the answer continues to be, “No,” we have accepted that God may have other plans.

No matter what happens to Carmen, we still believe that God is in control and that he can be trusted.

He has promised that we will have trouble in this world and we all know that’s true. I don’t know why it’s true but it is. But he has also promised to provide mercy and grace in our time of need. Lana and I have also found this to be true. In the darkest hours of our lives, from the moment we were told that Carmen had a fatal disease to these trying times of watching and waiting for her to die, God has held us tightly and comforted us beyond what we could have ever imagined.

I really can’t imagine going through this without him.

Letter to Carmen

August 2, 2010 in Dave's Musings, Tay Sachs with 26 Comments

Carmen did OK last night. We shall see how she does today. Thank you for your prayers.

***

When Carmen was younger, she had a babysitter named Tina. Tina is an amazing young woman! On numerous occasions, Lana and I have said that we would love for our daughters to turn out like her when they are older.

Several months ago, we received a letter from Tina. Shortly after she sent her letter, I asked Tina if she would record herself reading it and then send it to be included in a short video.

Thanks Tina!

Photos of Carmen – Nancy in Iowa

July 30, 2010 in Community, Dave's Musings with 2 Comments

The final photo submitted as part of the “Carmen Contest” was this one from Nancy in Iowa. She has eight children (five adopted, four from Guatemala). Thanks Nancy!

Carmen Name Photo - Submitted by Nancy in Iowa

That’s it! These are all the photos, animations and paintings that you submitted. Thank you so much for helping us celebrate Carmen and how God has used her to bring us all together. We thoroughly enjoyed all of your submissions! You may not remember but this was a contest…which means that there is a winner. We’ll be announcing the winner within a couple of days along with the prize that this person will receive for winning.

In the coming weeks and months, we are hoping to do more things like this to make Beautiful Canvas “a little less about us, a little more about you, and a lot more about Him!”

Thanks again!

Page 10 of 37« First...«89101112»2030...Last »