I picked up Reckless Faith by Beth Guckenberger at the bookstore this past weekend. The cover caught my eye- a picture of a young Hispanic girl. The back cover sealed the deal. “Time and again I’ve been led to trust God, with my little mustard seed of faith, to see how he not only shows up in our circumstances- but he shows off! It’s not because he needs to prove himself; rather, he is demonstrating to society- the orphans that I serve- that he will be their Father and Protector and Provider.”

For the past two days I haven’t gotten much done as I have read the amazing stories from the Guckenberger’s orphan ministry in Monterrey, Mexico. This is the kind of book that makes me very uncomfortable but in a good way.

Dave and I have both started feeling restless and uncomfortable with life. We have felt for awhile that God is preparing us for something. We talk a lot about how we don’t want to go back to “normal” after Carmen dies. Not that our previous normal life was bad but Carmen has given us a glimpse of a far more fulfilling life. A life where we are giving of ourselves.

We want to live for something more than accumulation and our own happiness. Even if it means giving up comfortable lives, we want to let go and be led. But, gosh, that is SCARY! I’m scared of the possibilities and the sacrifices we might have to make. I imagine myself kicking, screaming, and holding on for dear life to all that is easy and convenient. But I am more scared of not doing anything and letting opportunities pass us by. I do hope that God doesn’t ask me to go somewhere with no air conditioning. I truly detest being hot!!!!!!!!!

We have no idea what the future holds. Right now we have two little girls to care for and love. We are confident that God has plans for us. Just like He had a plan for a little girl in Guatemala.

Thank you God for showing up and showing off in Carmen’s life!

Carmen and me

10 Comments »

Carmen update: Carmen has some new problems. She is very swollen, particularly her hands, which are freezing cold all the time. She continues to have diarrhea. I am going to take another stool sample to the lab tomorrow.

For Lauren’s 5th birthday, we had planned a princess party at our house. Lauren invited a few friends and we spent last week frosting and decorating cupcakes.

A couple of days before the party, I got a little worried that two of the moms might be more susceptible to C-diff based on some current medical issues. So rather than everyone coming to our house, I called the moms and asked if Chick-fil-A would be OK instead. I thought that having the party at a different location might reduce any potential exposure to C-diff. The moms all agreed and once I convinced Lauren that she could still have a princess party, she was OK with Chick-fil-A too!

We packed up the cupcakes and princess decorations. Lauren wore her blue princess dress. We would have dressed Carmen in a princess dress but she is too chubby to fit into any of Lauren’s princess dresses! I guess I should have bought a bigger size just for Carmen!

Four little princesses plus one very handsome prince (the brother of one of Lauren’s friends) ran around Chick-fil-A in their princess dresses. Let me rephrase that…the four little princesses ran around in their princess dresses. The brother wore camouflage!

I have to say that Chick-fil-A was AWESOME! We hadn’t made reservations but they set up tables for us, gave Lauren balloons and gave us a coupon, “Buy one nugget tray, get one free”.

Dave’s parents and aunt drove about 7 hours to come to the party. We did not tell Lauren that they were coming so she was very surprised! I wish I had videotaped the moment Lauren saw her NY grandma and grandpa!

After the party, Lauren said it was her BEST birthday party ever! Sometimes the most haphazard, last minute plans turn out the best.

Thanks to everyone who made Lauren’s birthday extra special this year!

Here are a couple of pictures.

Lauren and her birthday cupcake

Me and Princess Lauren

2 Comments »

Today is Lauren’s 5th birthday. It is so hard to believe that 5 years ago Dave and I were driving through a snowstorm to get to the hospital. Seems like both a million years ago and yesterday.

I really can’t remember life before Lauren. I can’t imagine what we did to entertain ourselves!

Speaking of entertaining, yesterday I made tacos and for some reason the taco meat was SPICY. I kept saying, “My mouth is burning! My mouth is on fire!” Lauren said, “I know how to fix that.” I asked, “How?” Lauren said, “Stop, drop and roll!”

We love you very much Lauren! You are sweet, sensitive, funny, smart, compassionate and beautiful. You have made us smile every single day for 5 years. You were the one who could get big smiles from Carmen. You love your sister, just the way she is. You love Jesus. We can’t wait to see what God has in store for your life. We think He is preparing you for something amazing. We are very proud of you!

It’s amazing how much someone can grow in 5 years.

Newborn Lauren                                                   Lauren’s 2008 school picture

22 Comments »

I grew up in Texas where every tiny town has a 24 hour Super Walmart. If you need groceries, household items, clothes, etc., you go to Walmart. Since moving to the east coast, I have shopped less and less at Walmart. We don’t have a Super Walmart and our store is crowded and a mess.

This past weekend we decided to take a family trip to Walmart. (Actually, Dave and Carmen went next door to Best Buy!) Lauren and I walked around for awhile with my frustration level growing. The aisles were crowded and most of what we needed was out-of-stock. No underwear in Lauren’s size, no Aquaphor, and no Garnier Fructis hair mousse. The last straw was the deodorant aisle. They were out of both Dave’s and my preferred brands.

By this time, Dave and Carmen had joined us and I said, “That’s it! I am NOT shopping here!” Dave suggested we go next door to Target so that’s what we did. We may have paid a couple more dollars at Target but it was worth it. My blood pressure did not reach astronomical proportions and we found what we needed.

For some reason, the state of Walmart makes me sad. This is not the same Walmart that I grew up going to. I don’t think our Walmart experience was Sam Walton’s dream. It sure seems like after the founder of a big company passes away, the stores go downhill. (i.e. Wendy’s, right NY Grandma!?)

Based on our Walmart experience and this year’s Walmart Black Friday stampede death, I think Walmart has some work to do. And until they get it together, our Walmart days are gone! (Or until we move to an area with a big, spacious Super Walmart!)

Lauren and Holiday Shapes Goldfish, bought at Target

6 Comments »

I’m not sure I will get the details right but I want to ask for prayers for the family and friends of the Jewish couple, the Holtzbergs, slain in the Mumbai terrorist attacks. And extra prayers for their two year old son, Moshe. The Holtzbergs lost their firstborn to Tay Sachs and another son is hospitalized in Israel with Tay Sachs. An Indian nanny rescued Moshe during the attacks.

My heart hurts for this little boy who has lost so much.

http://www.abcnews.go.com/International/US/story?id=6373991&page=1

6 Comments »

Rashmi and friends did it again! We got a huge package in the mail. Inside was our family picture on canvas. I love this picture because this is the real us. Sitting on the couch with no shoes or socks, reading If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. In the big canvas, you can see Candyland under the couch.

Rashmi has this amazing talent of capturing life and we are BLESSED to know her!

Thank you Rashmi (www.rashmipappu.com) and friends!

9 Comments »

Yesterday a friend and I had a conversation on the phone about adoption. After we hung up, I remembered a conversation I had with a stranger in Chick-fil-A about two years ago. Lauren and I were eating lunch. A mom and her three kids were sitting next to us. The mom asked if I had other children and I told her that we were in the process of adopting a baby girl from Guatemala. Her face lit up and she said, “Your daughter is so lucky. This will forever change her view of people. What a gift you are giving her.”

Those of you who have adopted will agree that this is the type of reaction you hope for but not the one you always get. I am pleasantly surprised when people are positive about adoption, particularly international adoption.

I had hoped that our adoption story would inspire others to adopt. Perhaps it will. Dave reminded me last night that we haven’t reached the end of the story.

I hope and pray that because of Carmen, Lauren is seeing the joy of adoption and the value of every life. I can’t think of a better gift.

Lauren and Carmen, July 2008, by Rashmi Pappu (www.rashmipappu.com)

15 Comments »

Carmen update: Carmen had her feeding tube replaced on Tuesday and all went well. This was the original tube that was placed in January and had an inside piece that was larger then the hole in her stomach. The inside piece kept the tube from falling out but also meant that a doctor had to pull it out to replace it. Now, we have a tube with a balloon on the inside that can be deflated so that we can replace the tube ourselves whenever it starts getting gross. Pulling the old tube out literally took about 1 second. Carmen was asleep and woke up when the tube came out but did not appear distressed.

Carmen’s gastroenterologist asked for another round of C-diff tests. Carmen still has the same symptoms (diarrhea and mucus) so we are certain she still has C-diff but will do the tests again.

We had a very nice Thanksgiving. Our former neighbor dropped off a home-made pecan pie. Thanks Salih! And some friends came over and brought most of Thanksgiving dinner. We had turkey, stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes (with and without marshmallows), corn, butternut squash, green bean casserole, creamed onions, collard greens, rolls, cranberry sauce, pecan pie, apple pie with ice cream, and butter rolls. I ate and ate and ate the collard greens. They were soooooooo good. I guess my love of collard greens comes from my Texas roots! Thanks to C.F. and Indira for being so thoughtful and including us in your Thanksgiving!

I was looking through some pictures today and found this picture from November 2007. I was running Carmen’s bath and had stripped her down to her diaper. Lauren covered her up with baby washcloths! She said she didn’t want Carmen to be cold.

2 Comments »

We hope you have a very Happy Thanksgiving!

Love,

Dave, Lana, Lauren and Carmen

Lauren’s Turkey Craft

6 Comments »

The first of a few Thanksgiving journals…

Thanksgiving is my very favorite holiday. I just love that we have a national holiday focused on being thankful. I love spending time with family and friends. I love the food! I’m not sure why I only eat sweet potatoes on Thanksgiving considering how much I enjoy them!

This Thanksgiving we are very thankful that Carmen is doing so well. So many times this summer we did not think Carmen would make it through the day or week. Several times Carmen’s pediatrician asked to be paged if Carmen passed away over the weekend.

We don’t know how many more Thanksgivings Carmen has so this one is bittersweet. We are so thankful she is here with us and doing so well. But I do wonder if this will be her last Thanksgiving. Only God knows. Psalms 139:16, “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

Here is a recent picture of Carmen. Doesn’t she look lovely in yellow?! Oh to have beautiful golden skin!

What are you thankful for?

10 Comments »