August 15, 2010, ~1:45 am…
“Lauren,” I whispered as I gently tapped her shoulder to wake her up.
“Lauren,” I said a little louder, shaking her gently.
“Lauren!” I finally said out loud. Her eyes popped open and she stared at me. “There’s something I need to tell you. Something about Carmen.” She looked at me intently, not saying a word. “Carmen went to Heaven a little while ago.”
“WHAT?”
After a brief moment, Lauren burst into tears and wrapped her arms and legs around me. We lay on her bed, holding each other as the tears rolled down our cheeks.
“Do you want to go say goodbye?” I asked.
She shook her head up and down, still crying.
I carried her downstairs, where Lana was waiting with Carmen. Lauren didn’t know what to say so I whispered a few things to Carmen for the three of us. Then I took Lauren back upstairs to her bedroom.
More tears. More hugs. “I need a tissue,” she whimpered.
I returned with a box of tissues. We then did the only thing I could think of at that moment. We prayed. We thanked God for Carmen, that she was such a great daughter and sister. As I thanked him that Carmen could now do things she couldn’t do just yesterday, Lauren interjected emphatically.
“Thank you, Lord, that Carmen can walk,” I said.
“That she can RUN!” Lauren added.
“Thank you that she can talk.”
“And SING!”
“Thank you that she is whole.”
“And FREE!”
“We will miss her greatly…”
“YES.”
“…and we can’t wait to see her again.”
“YES.”
After we prayed, neither one of us said a word for what seemed like forever. I knew Lauren was still awake because there was an occasional movement from an arm or a leg. Finally, I asked, “What do you think Carmen is doing right now?”
“She’s walking,” Lauren responded.
“Yeah, I bet you’re right.”
After imagining and talking about all the things Carmen was probably doing at that very moment, Lauren rolled over, looked straight into my eyes and asked poignantly, “How did she die?”
“Well, God decided it was time for her to go to Heaven.”
“No, I mean…did her heart stop?”
“Yeah. It did.”
“Did it just stop or did it go like this (making a downward sloping motion with her hand)?”
“It slowed down and eventually stopped,” I told her.
“Did it go to zero?”
“Yeah.”
“Daddy, will you please tell me a story?”
“Sure kiddo. Once upon a time, there was a beautiful little girl…”
Wow … that’s really all I can say right now. I am praying for all of you … xoxo
Thanks Sarah. We definitely appreciate the continued prayers!
I cannot imagine how difficult that was, for both of you! It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. Keeping you close in thought and prayers! Hugs, Nicki (Angel Riley’s Mommy)
Yep. Very difficult. Not gonna lie.
Great job of helping Lauren, Dave. And she helped you. LORD willing, I’ll see you soon.
Thanks. Hope to see you this Friday.
What a beautiful moment to share! A wonderful tribute to preparing Lauren! You continue to be in our thoughts and prayers. Stephanie, Gabriel, and Joseph in NC
It was a special moment. I’ll probably remember it forever.
I am an early childhood mental health counselor and I think the way you talked to her was AMAZING. What strength your family has! If you ever need anything or if there is every anything I can do to support you, please let me know. Do you have the book, The Next Place by Warren Hanson? If you don’t, I would be honored to send a copy.
Thanks for the reassurance Amy. I haven’t read that book. Not sure if Lana has but I suspect that she hasn’t.
I’d be happy to talk with Lauren. I have this book plus lots of others. We can feel things out + lots of activities. You all have prepared Lauren so beautifully for this time. God Bless you.
love, hugs & prayers, monica
I just can’t stop crying today. That is beautiful and you are amazing parents.
My heart goes out to you today and my prayers are with each of you, especially Lauren. I know that Lauren will help you tremendously as you process all of this. Children have such an insight to the Kingdom of God and the things we face on this earth.
I smile at the thought of Carmen running around in heaven right now.
Praying for each of you as I write this.
Debbie
Thanks for the tears. I agree with you that children often have much better grasps of things like death and Heaven.
That is one sweet big sister you have there. I can only imagine the big plans God has for her. He’s already beautifully involved in her life!
Indeed. Thanks Nathan.
Lauren is obviously a wonderful and faith-filled child. My heart goes out to you all!
She is an amazing little girl.
I love the way you write your posts…makes me feel like I was in the room as this was happening…please know I am praying for all of you for strength…and esp for little lauren for strength and understanding. You are both awesome parents to all 3 of your girlas they are as blessed as you are…sending our love from KY…
Thanks Carrie. The coming days will be easier in some ways and more difficult in others. We appreciate the prayer support.
My heart goes out to you. I remember how hard it was to tell all my daycare children that Isaiah had gone to Heaven. God always gives you the right words to say.
God bless you all!
Love, Janet
God is good. Thanks for your continued encouragement!
You are raising an amazing little girl. The love Lauren showed for Carmen is immeasureable. Keeping all of you in my prayers.
(Ms.Judi a.com)
Thanks Judi. There was and probably always will be a special place for Carmen in the middle of Lauren’s heart.
Lauren, you are so sweet, and smarter than a lot of grown-ups! I am praying for you because I know you will miss Carmen so very much! You have been the best big sister to her and I know that she appreciates that! I’m sure she’s smiling thinking of you and will be waiting to greet you in heaven some day! God not only chose your Mom and Dad to be Carmen’s parents, but He knew that YOU would be the best big sister ever for her. He knew that Carmen needed you, and that you needed her. Please know that many, many people love you through this awesome Beautiful Canvas, and we are praying for you….
We appreciate all the prayers but particularly those for Lauren and Hope. For a long time, we worried about how this would affect Lauren in the long-run, whether it would increase her faith in Jesus or raise doubts about his faithfulness. We still do worry some but are growing in confidence that God has our girls exactly where he wants them and that Carmen will prove to be a catalyst for faith-filled lives.
What a blessing that Lauren, Carmen, and Hope have parents who know the Lord and the truth about life and death. Your faith and Lauren’s is what will see you through and carry you into the future without Carmen in your midst. God has been answering prayers all along, as He gave you just the right words for Lauren. Thank you for being so kind as to share those things with those who read your blog. It’s as if we, your readers (not to mention the “real” people in your lives) have also been anticipating this time in your lives, as you’ve shared your story. It’s extremely kind of you at this time to let us also share in these very intimate moments. When my brother passed away suddenly four years ago at the age of 57, the grief and trauma were palpable within my family. That’s the closest I have been with death. I only know that death seems to heighten the senses and make vivid the days surrounding the immediate shock and grief. In some ways, that is a blessing from God, because it keeps memories vivid, too. I continue to pray for God to supply all your needs, according to His riches in Christ Jesus. Because Lauren watched Carmen’s life unfold and recognized what limits were on Carmen’s life, God blessed her with wisdom beyond her years and grace to be about Carmen’s happiness and healing at this time. Her immediate thoughts of her own grief were so quickly changed to thoughts of the benefits and blessings Carmen is now experiencing. Lauren is a very special young lady, and your family is very precious in God’s sight.
Nancy in the Midwest
Thanks Nancy. We have intentionally tried to share our lives and Carmen’s life with you and others. We knew early on that Carmen was such an incredible gift that we simply couldn’t keep her to ourselves!
Thank you for sharing her with all of us…it has been such a oy to get to know you through your blog. Such uplifting, Christian people. You have touched so many by your decision to do this blog. Carmen knew love and now knows the greatest love of all….
Thank you so much for sharing that with all of us. It is one of the things that I wondered about…how Lauren was feeling. It is a privilege that you allow us into your lives and allow us to feel the love you have for your children.
Without sounding too idealistic or delusional, I think Lauren is doing really well. She has been pretty busy with play dates and such. But each day we have taken moments to imagine what Carmen is doing and thank God for the time he gave us with Carmen.
Lauren is very excited about our celebration for Carmen this Friday!
I knew that precious little girl was so special the moment she was born. Thank you for sharing this! Lauren is such a gift to this world.
We love you,
The Foisys
We are incredibly blessed to have her as our daughter. Thanks!
Lauren is a such a special little girl. She knows that her sister is smiling down upon her from Heaven. You and Lana have done wonderful things for your daughters- all three of them! Lauren will do great things with her life…she will make a difference just as Carmen did!!!
Thanks for the encouragement, Diane!
Hi Dave, It’s kind of hard to say what a wonderful moment when you just lost your daughter and Lauren just lost her sister but I will bet that night will be a memory that will be with Lauren for life and will always give her comfort. The night her daddy cried with her, prayed with her, and provided a safe place in his arms. I can’t imagine that moment in a better or more loving way. I keep you all close in my prayers. God bless, Joe
“The night her daddy cried with her, prayed with her, and provided a safe place in his arms. I can’t imagine that moment in a better or more loving way.”
I hadn’t thought of it so succinctly. Thanks always for all of your encouragement!
What a beautiful story. I am in awe of the two of you as parents. I am much older than you, but both of you are so wise, I have learned much from you. I have only been a parent for a little over 2 years (via Guatemala too)so I have much more to learn. I am so thankful I have both of you and your insightful, funny, beautiful Lauren to use as models. I am sure Hope will be extra special too. Throughout this journey with you, I have become more aware of myself and my relationship with God throughout all of this- how could one not when I see how your faith has shaped all of you. I don’t think I could ever be as fullfilled as you are. You are all amazing people. Thank you for teaching me.
Carrie T. in NC
Dear Dave,
The one thing that I remember most about my dad was that he somehow always knew the right thing to say. I am pretty certain that Lauren will one day remember the same thing.
I was so worried about Lauren when I read about Carmen. I remembered Lana writing a long while ago that Lauren was worried Carmen would pass away while she was at school. And I wondered how Lauren would manage when the time came. Thanks to the amazing faith that you and Lana have instilled in her, I think she did the best she could.
Although your family still weighs heavily in my thoughts and random prayers are still being muttered as I do the laundry or brush my teeth, I can see that God has done amazing things in your time of grief. And this post, as well as Lana’s, are proof that although the new normal will be trying at times, you are in deed blessed and protected.
You are an amazing dad. Hang in there. Janet
WOW! Dave and Lana, you have raised amazing little girls! Carmen has taught so many of us so much! In her short time here on Earth, she touched more people than most of us ever will. Lauren, is a true joy! Her faith, her wisdom, and her childhood innocence is uplifting. Hope is adorable and will grow up to offer the world as much as her big sisters! All of this is due to the great upbringing these girls have been given. Thank you for sharing your lives, your intimate discussions, and your children with all of us “lurkers”. Wishing you peace and comfort in the difficult days that lie ahead.
I wish I had the eloquence that the others before me have. I do not. But I can say from the bottom of my heart that I am truly blessed to have walked this walk with you through your blog. Lauren is wise beyond her years. I have always been deeply touched by her pure and innocent love for Carmen. That is a testament to how she has been raised by you, Dave and Lana. What pride you must have for your girls!
Thank you for sharing your life with all of us who otherwise would never know what a difference your little girls have made in this world. I will NEVER forget this journey. Your family has taught me so much.
Janet said above that she finds herself muttering prayers throughout the day. Your entire family is in my constant thoughts and prayers too. God has blessed you and will keep you safe in His arms, I have no doubt. And Carmen is laughing and dancing and singing and running in Heaven. NO DOUBT she is FREE, just like precious Lauren said!
Wow, the faith of a child is nothing short of amazing. I am in awe of your solid faith and wisdom during what is such a very hard time in your lives right now. I sit here with tears in my eyes, just imagining the heartfelt moments shared here. I do want to echo something else that has been said more than once already. Thank you so much for the transparency and your willingness to share your Carmen’s story with the world. It has touched, I’m sure, a countless number of people. Though she is dancing and playing in Heaven, my thoughts and prayers will continue to be with your family both now and in the future. May His peace, joy and comfort be with you now and always.
Thank you for sharing your story with everyone. I am amazed at how you continue to hold fast to your faith. Carmen story was/is so important and I was touched as were a number of people. I wish my words could sound a little more eloquent, but please know that reading your words has strengthened my own faith in Him.
I continue to pray for peace in the coming days for all of you.
Simply, precious!!!!
What a glorious family you have..tell Lauren that we are all praying right now and send our love to your family
Dave,
I had to read and re-read your post b/c of all the tears. Knowing Lauren, I can actually hear her asking you, “No, I mean…did her heart stop?”
I’m praying for you guys.
Big huge tears as I read this conversation between Lauren and you about sweet sweet Carmen! My thoughts, prayers, & tears are with you as God Welcomes home one of the most previous GUATE tots ever!
Beautiful, Dave. What Faith can do, for sure! When my husband died in a farming accident, our youngest son, Jim, was 5 years old. When I put him to bed that night, the first night without his dad, he asked me if “Their” magic couldn’t bring Dad back. If only I had been as deep into Jesus then as now. Nevertheless, The Holy Spirit brought us to now. Lauren is so blessed, as are you, Lana and Hope. Love and Blessings to you all…..
Dave! You are amazing in how you told Lauren about Carmen’s homegoing. It takes me back just one month ago when Mike had to tell Rachel and Christopher that Great-Grandma had died. He told them that she was having breakfast with Jesus. It’s so hard to explain death to a child. Both the way you and Mike told your children makes heaven so much more real. As adults we tend to overthink heaven but when seeing heaven through the eyes of a child, it is so simple. When we know Jesus, going to heaven is just another adventure in our lives. It’s not the end, it’s only the beginning. Carmen had graduated to the most wonderful part of her life. We love you all.
Dear Dave & Family,
What a wonderful, glorious example of the man, husband & father you have become to your precious family. Losing a child is something none of us ever wants to endure but God has His reasons and He only gives us what we can handle. Your Dad told me about Carmen over a yr ago and our prayers were constant for all of you. Lauren sounds like a reflection of her granddad and little Carmen surely knew how much she was love. I see her sitting on your own g’pa’s lap while the Savior lays His hands on her precious head.
We are praying for you in the days to come that your hearts may rejoice even in your grief for we know this is just a temporary separation, a moment in time to a God who knows no time!
Blessings to all of you and be comforted by the One who brings all comfort!
Our love to you all,
Keith & Gail Valk & family
Wow. I just read this entry now, even though I received it previously. This is perhaps one of the sweetest, most loving posts I’ve read! Thank you, Dave, Lauren, and the RUNNING, siling ^Carmen^, for sharing with us.
Yesterday, tonight, tomorrow, and in each day forward you are all in my prayers. I pray for your collective senses of peace in your minds and hearts, for your strength, and comfort. I love you. I love you, ^Carmen Alesandra^. Thank you, Dear One, for being my friend – FOREVER. I love you. Sweet dreams, Angel. “Fly High and Dream Big,” and, if you’re able to, please let family and friends you are close and there with them. Love you ^Carmen^.
Prayers & Support, ALWAYS,
Becky Warren
We don’t know each other in person but I have been praying for Carmen and for all of you, for the past year and four month since Selam started working with Carmen. I’m Selam’s sister and ever since i heard about Carmen, i fall-in-love with her. I felt her in Spirit most nights when i prayed for her. God is always good and his plan for us is always a better one. May God bless you all and keep you safe. Please pass my love to your wife, lovely kids and your parents.
Blessings to all your family
Elshadai
It’s never been only work for me. Working with Carmen, had been the most wonderful experience, and blessing. God has blessed me to know her and the hole family…I always had a special connection with Carmen and it’s not easy not being able to see her in flash. But i know one thing, she is in a very special place and i know she is very happy, healthy and grateful for all of her families in this world. We will all see her again.
My love, and my prayers are always with all of you.
Selam, Carmen’s nurse
Thank you, Selam. We really cannot thank you enough for the genuine care you provided to our precious daughter and for the peace that entered our home each time you walked through the front door to begin your shift. I pray that God will bless you and your family immeasurably for your humble but dedicated service to Him.
Dave/Lana, I never really got to know ya’ll that well back at LU, other than just passing conversations in the dorm or in the cafeteria, but you have both consistently awed me with your maturity and godliness though all of this. It breaks my heart every time I come to this site to read of your struggles with things that most people can’t even imagine. I think your talk with Lauren shows parental maturity far beyond your years. God bless you and comfort you and keep you in the palm of His hand.
Hey Jason, good to hear from you after all these years. Thanks for the encouragement.
Prayers for your family…. it sounds like you had some incredible dialogue with Lauren. Sound like a special pops.