On Tuesday, we buried Carmen’s body in a family plot in upstate New York. Her grave is at the foot of Dave’s grandpa’s, under a tree. Dave’s grandpa was a truly wonderful man and I feel honored to have my daughter buried so close to him. I know it’s just their bodies, not them. But, it still brings me comfort.
Dave’s dad led the burial service. The service was attended by family and a few close friends. I think there were eleven kids present. We wanted the kids to feel free to ask any questions they might have or make any comments. They raised their hands and asked questions like, “Where is Carmen now?” and “Why is the hole so deep?”
It seems so final.
I have followed your blog for sometime and I have thought about your family often. I am so sorry, but happy at the same time, she no longer has to suffer. So bittersweet. My dad is in Heaven and I am sure he has already met Carmen and the way he loved kids, they are big buddies. Prayers for your family.
Caremn has touched so many lives in her short time here on earth. While most of us have never met you or Carmen we feel so close with all that you have shared with us. Praying for healing for all of you. My sister had shirts made up for us with my Dad’s picture on it after he passed and it said:
“Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.”
carmen is smiling down on all of us. HUGS!!!
Judi- love that saying. I wish I would have thought of that after my dad passed. Janet
Oh, me too, Judi. I am keeping that saying in my memory now. Perfect.
After my brother died in 2006, I found this quote below which I shared with my sister and the rest of my family. I’m sorry I don’t know who to credit it to, but it expressed my feelings about what a wonderful brother I had and how blessed I was to have had him in my life.
“Even as we are sad for his having died, we are boundlessly happy for his having lived.”
I remember how vivid life became at the time of his death. It seemed like the lights were turned up brighter and I was more awake than I had ever been, if that makes sense. I think maybe it’s something like the veil being stripped away and seeing life and death for what it truly is, personally. Suddenly it is so real and not just a vague notion that we have about such things. Now we are the ones ones actually grieving, when before, we could just watch others walk through it. It also makes the grief others are going through something we understand in greater depth than ever before. These are just some of my memories of how my brother’s death effected me so much more than any other family member I had experienced up to that time. I’m so sorry for your deep loss and sadness.
Nancy in the Midwest
This brought back memories of my goddaughter’s burial. She was buried with her great grandparents. There was something comforting in knowing she was not alone. I have been looking through my boxes of “stuff” because someone gave me wonderful writings which you might like. I just cannot put my hands on them.
I applaud you for letting the children ask questions. Sometimes, they are forgotten in mourning rituals.
Still praying, Janet
Hi Lana, I struggle to find words to write for some time now. I don’t have the luxury of a good memory any more. My GrandMa was buried last Friday, my ride fell through to attend her service but my ex took me down Saturday (VA Beach) to visit with family and pay my respects. Every childhood vacation was spent at her house. They reminised about times togather but I could only remember very little. I thought of you all the entire day, knowing how much you hurt and had a brief time alone at the beach to look at all the people, the water and thought of all the children like Carmen who never got to jump in a wave or build a sand castle. I was sad at first and thought some where, among all those people, their life will change in an instant. Cancer, an accident, a death… I prayed whoever it was they would know God. Then I thought of Carmen, Charles, Isaiah, MacKenzie, Spencer, Cooper, Miss Molly, Lily, Elise, Riley, Abigail, Bianca, I know there are more but these are just the kids I remember with Tay-sachs or allied disease. I could list so many more who have been made whole in heaven from Cancer and other diseases. I just know there is a beach in heaven and Carmen is jumping in waves with all her friends, all of them are playing togather, all of them couldn’t be happier. One day I look foward to watching them, I love them all, Thanks to you and Dave and all the other parents who share their children with me, I have a lot to look foward to when I get to heaven. Hope this makes sense. I pray lots for your hearts. In Christ, Joe
Thank you Joe. You have a beautiful heart and it brings tears to my eyes to read the words that share your heart with us.
Joe, I am so sorry for your loss. You have such a good heart and are a kind man. You are right about the beach in heaven. Pretty sure there are lots of beautiful children made whole enjoying the surf. I said a prayer for you as I read this. God bless you Joe!
Janet
Thanks for sharing. The white casket is beautiful, and the pink roses… It is amazing how, when we see the person gone from their body, we really know that they aren’t there. While sad, it’s also an intriging, amazing experience to witness. Their spirit is free to be a part of God’s great plan! So exciting!!!
All of you will remain in my heart for a long time, and I will keep praying for comfort…Though Carmen is free, we know you wish she was with you…
I have been thinking of you so much and praying for all of you. I wish there were magic words that would help ease the pain.
Just know you are being thought of by so many and we love you very much.
Debbie
One day, and sometimes one minute, at a time, Lana. Praise God!