BeautifulCanvas.org: What Does it Mean to You?
Someone asked me recently what this site is about. I replied with a summary of what I thought this site was about, or at least what I hoped it was about.
…which got me thinking…
What do you think this site is about? What would you say is the purpose of BeautifulCanvas.org? Why does it exist today and why should it continue to exist tomorrow (if it should exist at all)?
Ready? Go!
Lurkers…that includes you too!!!
Wow, I don’t even remember how I found this site. I think it was through a Caring Bridge site I visit… This site has been an inspiration for me to keep on doing what I’m doing, with God close to my side and Jesus in my heart. Knowing that your little girl could join Jesus at any moment has made my problems so insignificant. An now, with your pregnancy… I am, along with you, taking one-day-at-a-time. You have inspired me to do just that!
This is a long story, but you might know, I’m a musician – a cellist – and a singer. A woman close to my heart who is a member of my church, asked me to learn the song “One Day At A Time” for her. It’s an old classic, and though I don’t usually sing “country” songs, this one is timeless. Her name was Mary, and she had lung cancer. The past couple of years, I sang it for her in church upon request. A couple of months ago, I sang it to her as she lay dying in the hospital. And I had the great honor of singing it at her funeral. The irony of this is that you posted the beginning fears of your pregnancy around the same time as her passing, and at that time, the song became my mantra. As I read your entries, knowing both of your youngest girls’ lives were in peril, I prayed that you would be able to take “One Day At A Time” as I was striving to do.
It touched my heart deeply when I received Lana’s note that she had read my journal. That WAS a time in my life – 21 long days – when I DID take each day, but life went on, and the business resumed… Now, these past couple of months, I am bound and determined to not stress over tomorrow. God is with me, and only He knows my future and that of my family.
Wow, I’ve rambled… Sorry… You all have been a tremendous inspiration to me. I worry for you, but I do believe that the outcome is going to be beautiful for you! This life is so temporary, but we do need to know that however long we have, that was our lifetime. That’s what I learned from having a child die at 21 days; that was her lifetime, what God chose for her. It was precious and she is forever a part of me until we meet again….
Love,
Sandi
“I am bound and determined to not stress over tomorrow. God is with me, and only He knows my future and that of my family.”
Thanks Sandi. So true. So true!
Like Sandy don’t know how I found it but so glad I did….inspiration for sure. The realness of your family’s journey resonates.
Thanks Becky. We definitely try to be real. Admittedly, it is sometimes hard to know what to share and to what level of detail.
We think there’s a fine line between “complainers” (the sky is always falling!) and “ridiculously unrealistics” (everything is always fine!). We don’t want to be either. So I guess real is what we are striving to be. That probably didn’t make any sense…
I think the original purpose of the site was to keep people informed about Carmen’s progress – and to save you telling the same information over and over again.
I think the site, however, has evolved into something much more. We have become a community – - an extended family. I LOVE hearing about/from other “members.” I think there are a number of people who feel they can share their hearts, prayers, needs, etc. and know that the rest of us will be praying for them and, hopefully, offering encouragement when needed. The interaction has become the best part of the site (second after hearing about Lauren’s daily happenings, of course
) – - keep it coming!!
We definitely started this site to help communicate what was going on with Carmen. We quickly realized that it was more than a one-way communication tool, as many of you (who are still part of this community today) began encouraging us and praying for us.
When we re-launched the site about a year and a half ago, it was with one pretty big goal in mind: to be less about our story, to be more about your story (you, generically), and a lot more about His/God’s story. We haven’t made as much progress with this goal as we hoped. In 2010, we’ll definitely be looking to you (all of you) to share more of your stories. And we can’t wait to hear them (and perhaps we’ll see a few too)!!!
And – - – I truly hope the site continues after Carmen’s goes home to heaven. Carmen was simply the catalyst for this group to form and bond.
I found this site on an adoption site for guats. I have been reading for probably close to a year now. Carmen is on our prayer list at church. I feel your pain. I read daily to see how you guys are doing. I pray for you all. and Lauren! what can I say about that little cutie! she is a doll and I love to read about her too. Please don’t get rid of this site. It is a great community!
Thanks Elaine! We definitely appreciate the prayers! Thanks for being a part of this community.
Even though we are family, we are so far apart in distance. This site has been my way of keeping up to date with what is happening with your family. I also am inspired by your trust in the Lord through all that’s happening. Love when I get my notification that something new has been posted. We love and pray for you.
For me, it’s easy to forget God when everything is going well, when “I can handle things just fine on my own, thank you very much!”
I think Lana and I would both agree that our trust in God has increased through all that’s happening, specifically because of all that’s happening.
Seeing God’s hand in your life, regardless of circumstances. A grateful and expectant heart.
Thank you, Meredith. This is probably about as close to the way I would say it as you can get without being me.
This site is about being part of your lives, no matter what the distance between us. It allows me to still feel like I’m part of the story I once was apart of. I fed Carmen bottles, I changed her diaper and put her down for a nap. I babysat Lauren when you went to go get more tests, right before you found out that it was Tay Sachs. I love both your girls, and I’m so grateful that you’ve allowed all of us to be part of your lives even if we can’t physically be there. This site keeps me thinking about you and praying for you. Please keep it up!
Tina, you are still very much a part of the story!
This site a true communication avenue. We have all come together because Carmen connected us. I agree with everyone else. God created it for all of us. Quickly, I open each announcement. The recipes, the pictures, the videos, the stories from everyone, the prayers, the love all are intoxicating. We Are Family!!! Thank you Dave and Lana for leading us….. God Bless Us, Everyone!!!
“God created it for all of us.” “We Are Family!!!”
Hi, I think NY grandma said it best for me too. Lana, Glad you and Hope are doing well. God bless. In Christ, Joe
On behalf of many here and in other places, thanks for your consistent encouragement and prayers!
I don’t even remember how I found this site. Probably through a CaringPage. But, I insentantly got hooked. I love reading about Carmen, Lauren, and baby Hope. I just love to read and follow everything that’s going on! Please don’t quite!!
No worries, Amanda. We’re not planning on going anywhere. Thanks!
Just a lurking student who needs a little inspiration sometimes. You have such a beautiful, tough family! So amazing! Found your link because I read 6yearmed. I don’t know you but praying always.
A lurking student, eh. And just what is this lurking student studying?
Thanks for the prayers!
I found your site via a Guatemala adoption site. Someone had posted a request for a prayer for Carmen. I was amazed with the love of your family, so many friends, the insights you have gained throughout this experience and how to take what is given you and make the best of it. I,too, adopted from Guatemala. My little Bella loves to see how Lauren, Carmen, and now Hope, are all doing. I have learned a lot from you both in so many ways. Please keep this site. I look forward to seeing how my “friends” are. I used to live near you and had considered coming by at times, but I have now moved far out-of-state and must watch from afar. You guys are very inspirational, please keep inspiring me! God Bless!
Lana and I are amazed that so many within this community have adopted children from Guatemala. It’s definitely a bond of sorts.
You should have stopped by! Would have been nice to meet you.
I “knew” Lana from a message board she used to post on. I was always intrigued when I read her signature line. When she posted her blog address I came over to learn more. I am so humbled by the grace and faith with which you live your lives. We are expecting a baby at the same time Hope is due. Some of our early tests came back concerning but as our baby grows I pray for the strength to accept what God has in store for us. I hope you will continue to allow us to learn from you.
We’ll add you to our whiteboard.
Will others please also pray for jgenie and baby?
My family had the privilege of meeting all of you in Guatemala and spending time with you over dinner and at the zoo. Initially I started reading to keep up with your family and it was a way for our daughter to “see” her friend (Lauren) that she met so many miles away. We still visit to get updates and know what prayers to offer on your behalf, but your words and faith have impacted my spiritual journey. You are an example of what it means to walk with Christ and a reminder that we need to turn everything over to Him. I treasure the words of wisdom and insight you offer through your posts.
I remember the trip well. It was SO nice to have you guys there. Made each moment more fun!
We’re planning to keep this site for a long time. And that, to a certain degree, is why we are asking this question.
Great thoughts so far but we know there are more than 15 of you out there!!! A lot more than 15 actually. And 80% of you are regulars. So why do you return on a regular basis?
I often wondered the same thing about Conner’s site. Mostly I kept his going as a form of therapy for me, but also to keep everyone posted on what was going on with him and our family. Eventually his site sorta transformed into Avery’s blog…. Beautiful canvas, I do remember reading in the very beginning about why you called the site beautiful canvas. Now… I remember reading it, but my brain is mush and I dont remember what I read (*sigh*) My thought is that your lives are a beautiful canvas. Carmen has brought so much depth and character, and certainly beauty to your lives. Though, like a canvas, life is filled with texture and imperfections, and as you grow through this experience you learn to love everything about your canvas and appreciate it’s imperfections. Does that sound cheesy????? Anyway….. my vote is a huge yes… keep blogging!
You got it! Here’s what I think:
Each life is like a canvas painting, with many threads and brush strokes that make up the full picture. Some of those threads are elegant purple; others are scarlet red; still others are radiant, bright white. Yet they all combine to form a beautiful canvas painting because each thread is carefully woven by the Master Painter, who foresees the big picture while all we see is the little piece of thread in front of us.
Our lives collectively are yet another canvas, which is much more beautiful than each individual picture alone.
On and on the metaphor goes…until it all points back to a God who is big enough to create the universe, yet so personal that he cares enough about each of us to weave us together to create a masterpiece in your life and in mine.
I began reading this blog over a year ago. We adopted a little girl from Guatemala too. I found this site thru adoption.com. I keep coming back because you all are so genuine. I care about what you are going through. I pray for all of you, esp Carmen, now baby Hope. Like so many others have said you are such an inspiration. But even more than that I feel like, thru this site, I have come to “know” you and your family. I like to check in on my “virtual friends” and make sure your world is doing OK. I have posted before, we lost a daughter, and watched our son struggle to live for his first 6 weeks of life. I have been clsoe to your shoes, your shoes are bigger and have gone much further with the suffering than mine did. I sympathize with you, yet celebrate with you, as this site reminds me of just how very important everyday things are….no matter how small. GodBless…and YES please keep this site for a long time!! I look forward to reading daily!!
Sympathy, celebration, making the most of each day…
Inspirational words from someone who’s clearly been there.
May we all be more sympathetic toward others.
May we all celebrate life, with all the joys and sorrows.
May we all make each day count!
Thanks Carrie!
I come back often to see how Carmen is doing as well as Baby Hope so I can know what to pray about. I also feel that you guys are good role models for how to trust God in tough times. I don’t feel like you’re trying to be anything but regular people who are seeking God’s heart and it’s refreshing and strengthening for me. Sarah
Not surprisingly, Carmen has helped us — forced us, really — to take a step back in life and evaluate what we’re doing and where we are heading.
To be close to God’s heart! What a goal!!
Thanks so much for your prayers.
Oh, I forgot to mention that I found you guys through Rashmi. She did my maternity & newborn photos for Max back in 2007. Love her!
She’s great, isn’t she?
I read your blog every day and I guess it is because I find you so encouraging…a loving Christian family in these troubled times. I also am a mother of an adopted child, so that is probably what first caught my attention.
Thanks Cindi. Glad we can be an encouragement!
To put it simply, to me you blog represents Faith, Love and Hope. I can find an element of these three things in alomst every post I read.
I absolutely love the mission of Mosaic in LA, which is “to live by faith; to be known by love; to be a voice of hope.” We’ve come to adopt that as part of our family mission. Glad it comes out in our posts.
I can’t remember how I found your site. I think it was from a prayer request posted on the forums.
Your blog is the first thing I read each morning. I am touched by your words in so many ways. I read because I really care about you and your family.
You inspire me to live a better life.
We’re honored to have you as part of this community. Thanks for caring!
I found this website through one of my friend’s pages. At the time I didn’t know what I was looking for, but when I read the first entry I had to go back to read them all. Needless to say, with all the tears streaming down my face that day, I was hooked. Your entries gave me a sense of strength, and although I never commented, I hoped that my thoughts and prayers gave you the same in return.
Thanks Evelin.
I found your site through Guatemala adoption forum; I too have adopted a little girl from Guatemala. She is 3 and half years old. And what a blessing she has been. I started reading your story when your family was in need of lots of prayers. And like others I was knocked off my feet with what I read. You truly are an amazing family, the love just pours out of each and every one of you. Carmen is so blessed to have you as parents. After reading your whole story on how your name on the list for babies was somehow put in the wrong spot by the grace of God, it is just proof God had his hand in the whole picture to make sure Carmen became yours. I come to your site daily, sometimes 3 or 4 times, just to read and reread new and old post. Dave and Lana you two truly are a special couple. I`m not sure if the reason at first for the start of this site was to inform and keep your loved ones and others updated, but I sure hope you keep it going. Your family has become part of many others. I would feel lost without new posts. You are soon going to have an addition to share with everyone. We would all miss Carmen, Lauren, and baby Hope if you stopped posting updates. I pray each and every day for your whole family. Thank you for writing about what most people would keep to themselves, the bad and good of your lives. You all are an inspiration to so many. Thank you again. Tammy
“I come to your site daily, sometimes 3 or 4 times”
Aha!!! So you’re the one making our visitor statistics look so good!
“I pray each and every day for your whole family.”
Thank you. Really. Thank you!
I came across your site through a CaringBridge page. Your family gives me hope and faith that there are caring people in the world and strength that if I ever come up against hard times I will survive. You are an inspiring family. I also love the recipes and photos!
Oh, Lana…we need some more recipes!
Thanks Lisa.
We are family…and far away. When we can’t visit by phone or in person this site is where we can find the “details”.
More than once Lana and I have spent an hour on the phone just checking in about life and then I come over here and find out something we didn’t talk about. And something written here has prompted calls to check in sooner.
Like NY Grandma, we understood that this site was to keep us up to date on how Carmen was doing, how we can be praying for all of you, and how life is going for each one of you…some of these things don’t end when Carmen joins Jesus. We keep up with the Cairns even though Isaiah is gone (and a few others)…we assumed you would do the same…even if only for a season or two.
Sending love across the miles. Give all the girls hugs from us.
We are family.
I got all my sisters with me.
We are family.
Get up everybody and sing.
Sorry…that’s the first thing that came to my mind. I know. I’m strange.
I found your site either thru Guat forums or a caringbridge site. I appreciate your honesty and your faith. You have a very special family, and your love and courage spill from your posts and beautiful photos. I’m also a “photographer” of sorts, so I appreciate your photos. We have friends who lost their 14yr old daughter a few years ago, a friend of our daughters. She fought cancer for nearly two years. I followed their caringbridge site and learned so much more about what it means to live with a child suffering with terminal illness. At present, I have three or four caringbridge sites to check in with daily, as we have friends and relatives dealing with serious health concerns. We are such fragile people, and only God sustains each of us. I read Is. 46:4 this morning for devotions with my kids. We talked about how we all have times we feel that we just need to be carried, as when we were young. How good go know God will “pick us up” whenever we need such nurturing. I just received my copy of “Eyes that See”, by Christina Levasheff about their son Judson. Theirs is also an amazing story of faith and seeing God use trials to refine us. As a Christian, I do believe that we see God much more clearly in our trials and heartaches. I lost my only brother three years ago (age 56), his wife four years before that. Watching his kids, my sister, and my parents go through those losses made the realities of life and death so much more vivid in my heart and mind. I still have such a long way to go to be walking the walk I know I should. Stories like yours remind me to keep working (praying) to be a better parent, wife, person. Our eight kids (three bios, five adoptions, four of those from Guatemala as preschoolers and preteen girls) are such a blessing, so much more than I deserve, and so a huge picture of God’s grace in my life. The four grown and on their own bless us with their own walks with the Lord. The four left at home keep us challenged as “older” parents. Thank you for being willing to go “public” with your site. I know God will continue to uphold you through all the challenges and fears ahead. His faithfulness endures forever!
Wow! Nancy. Thanks for sharing.
“I do believe that we see God much more clearly in our trials and heartaches.”
I know I do.
“God will continue to uphold you through all the challenges and fears ahead.”
One of our favorite family verses is Isaiah 41:10 -> So do not fear for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Like Carmen, my daughter was also born in Guatemala. I first came to your site after reading a prayer request for Carmen on the forums at adoption.com. I keep coming back (pretty much every day) because your site moves me with the faith and love your family shows through your posts and photographs. There is no doubt in my mind that God chose you as Carmen’s parents. And the love that Lauren has for Carmen is so pure and beautiful. Like most people, I have experienced trials and pain in my life too. But, nothing I have ever faced compares to what you live every day. Your story and posts truly inspire me to be a better person. Thank you for sharing your life and God Bless You. Please know that you (Lana, Dave, Lauren, Carmen, and baby Hope) are all in my prayers.
“Your story and posts truly inspire me to be a better person.”
Humbling. Thank you.
I found your site through Rashmi’s blog long ago and just haven’t been able to stop coming back to check in on your family. Carmen is two days younger than our daughter, and I think that has made your reality a little closer to home for me. And I think I keep coming back because your life and love for one another inspires me to get through the tough times. Our ability as humans to love and adapt and keep moving forward is amazing.
Thank you for sharing your site and your lives with all of us.
Thanks, Susannah.
I resonate with so many of the replies. I don’t read it everyday but I am always blessed, encouraged, challenged, inspired, and motivated to pray more. God is using you in amazing ways! In Jesus precious love, I love your family so much! And, as Lana knows, the Chicken Salsa and Black Bean soup she posted is now a family favorite and I think and pray for you everytime I make it!
Thank you, Wendy!
The sandwiches from Starbucks were awesome!
I found your site through adoption.com. Like Carmen, my oldest two were born in Guatemala. It was nice to connect with another family even though it was in such an indirect manner. Why do I come back? Your story has touched my heart in several ways. First, my goddaughter died 6 years ago after living for 15 1/2 hours. Your grace under pressure and amazing outlook remind me of Mary’s parents. They knew very early on in the pregnancy that Mary had a fatal form of osteogenesis imperfecta and that, if she were to be born alive, her life would be very brief. They made the choice to LIVE every minute of her life and not spend them waiting for her death. The second reason I come back is because I teach medically fragile students. Reading about Carmen from a parent’s point of view reminds me of the road my students’ parents walk. The final reason I come back is because your story has become a part of the fabric of my life. Although we have never met, knowing you through this site has enriched my life and reminded me that family is much bigger when viewed through the eyes of God.
“They made the choice to LIVE every minute of her life and not spend them waiting for her death.”
Love it!
What a wonderful collection of stories. All giving praise to your love of God and your faith as a family that God will supply. I know exactly how I came to your site….when Matt and Mary came home from their first NTSAD conf. in ‘07, they told us about how wonderful you were to them and how BEAUTFUL Carmen was. She urged me to ck. out your site. What a blessing I did. I feel honored to pray for your family and lift you before our God. After Isaiah died, I couldn’t bring myself to read about all the sick and terminally ill children for a few months. I even had to take 5 weeks off from my Friday night job. Just couldn’t face the goofy lady I work with. It’s odd how tragedy affects us. Please know that your site is a real joy for many more than have signed! Love to all of you…l, d, l, c, “h”…….Janet
A wonderful collection of stories, indeed!
Thanks for being part of this community, Janet. Glad you’re here!
I originally found you through 6YearMed’s website. I stayed (and check in daily) because you are a beautiful, God loving family. At the time my family was going through a lot of trials (health, finances, etc.) and your faith was a true inspiration to me. May God richly bless you and your family.
Thanks April! God has blessed us richly and continues to do so through people like you.
I found Beautiful Canvas on the Guat. adoptions forum. I also have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old from Guatemala. Initially, I read your blog as part of the prayer request. Now, I come by a few times a week…..to check on Carmen, Lauren, Baby Hope, and both of you, Dave and Lana. Your family is a true inspiration! Thank you for being so candid and honest. Many days I shed tears, every day, I pray for all of you. I love your photographs. Although we have never met, I feel like I truly know your family. Thank you for sharing. Please keep this blog going!
Thank you Debbie!
As an adoptive parent, I was devastated to learn that your daughter was diagnosed with Tay Sachs. This site has shown the love and beauty of your family an offers hope, even in the face of tragedy. When I learned of your pregnancy I was thrilled and often visit this site to see beauty in the love we have for our families and the love that comes to us through God.
Thank you Lorie!
Oh difficult question, I don’t know how to express myself really good but I keep on checking beautifulcanvas.org every single day, I CAN’T go out of the internet without checking it, in a incredible way your site/history have changed me, really, I’m a more patient person because of you, I think of your challenges when I have to face mine and I realize how strong we can be. I find myself praying at night just because I remembered your family and I thank God I found your website somehow in this huge internet universe. Thank you!
Hi Juliana, I am glad you are addicted to our site, ha, ha! Thank you for all of your words of encouragement.
I happened onto this sight through one of the many Caringbridge sites I have followed in the maybe 4 years since a coworker began posting about her 2 little girls who had/have Neiman Pick’s Disease. God has not blessed me with a husband or children, and I enjoy having a way through prayer to touch the lives of children even more than I can with gifts and visits to my beautiful nieces and nephews. I have prayed for Carmen as I pray for many children, but I must admit that it is Lauren’s beautiful smile that has probably touched me the most. Seeing this beautiful, healthy, kind and sweet little girl, hearing the funny things she says, and, through your blog, witnessing her caring and joyful spirit gives me joy and makes me want to be more caring and joyful. She is going to be a really special lady. I also enjoy seeing pictures of Carmen. I know she must experience pain and discomfort, but she often looks so peaceful. She is so young that it must be the peace that passes understanding and must come from parents who seek that peace. I look forward to seeing pictures of little Hope and watching her smile and spirit develop. You inspire and encourage me. God bless.