Stuck in the Middle With Lana, Lauren, Carmen and You
Last weekend, a good friend of ours asked us how we’re doing. Although I responded with a somewhat typical, “Good,” I really meant it. I went on to explain that it feels like we are smack-dab in the middle of this almost-normal chapter of our lives.
We flew through the chapter that included visiting Carmen in Guatemala (see picture below) and bringing her home. We muddied through the chapter about trying to help her catch up developmentally. We survived the chapter about learning of Carmen’s horrific disease and all that it would entail. We made it through several chapters that included physical sickness, countless visits to the doctor and hospital, one really big nursing blunder, another really close call, constant stress and lots of emotional ups and downs.
We made it through all of those chapters but we are not yet at the end of this book. We know it’s coming and we know it’s going to be excruciatingly painful when it does come. But it’s not here. Not yet.
So here we are, stuck in the middle. We have a terminally ill child but she’s actually doing OK right now. She has good days and bad days, just like the rest of us. We’ve made a few adjustments along the way and are starting to do a few more things that “normal” families do. We’re stuck in the middle and it’s not so bad. In fact, it’s quite beautiful!
Will somebody please cue Stealers Wheel? And then will you cue U2?
I think coming out of Margaritaville …..you know that place of obliviousness….and the reality is…well REAL and to think it has to do with Him after living in obliviousness is difficult BUT never the difficult you are / have lived thru…a really selfish difficult and now praying to live the finish in awareness of OTHERS….Thanks so much for sharing your story…you and http://haileyshope.blogspot.com/ have taught…TEACH me much. THANKS
Dave/Lana/Lauren/Carmen
Glad to hear that you are getting to”do more of what normal families do”! We are just finding out what “normal” families do and it really is nice.
Our family of God, the body of Christ, is so unlike what either Larry or I grew up in. Unconditional love is not even understood by people who have never experienced receiving or giving it, is it? No wonder people who were brought up in “I love you if ….” families don’t know what love is.
“As for me and my household, we will serve the LORD”(Joshua 24:15), stated Joshua and now states Larry/Dad and Nancy. I feel a little like Ruth may have felt: joyous to have been grafted into the family of the One True God. Thanks to the loving relationship she received from her mother-in-law Naomi who served the One True God. Ruth even got to be the grandmother of David and a great- great- great-great grandmother of our LORD Jesus Christ.
To me the above is not just interesting history. It is the Way, the Truth and definitely the only Life that matters(John 14:6).
As Steven Curtis Chapman says, let us get on with The Great Adventure. Jesus did not promise that it will be easy BUT He did promise:” I will never leave you or forsake you” Hebrews 13:5. Life has never been easy for me or my two daughters BUT we know WHO our Father really is. God promises in Jeremiah 29:11:
I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you.”
I know that He is true and He is able because someone outside of my family cared enough to invite me to do what it takes to become a child of God, when I was 12 years old. She (Vivian Benge) died of ovarian cancer a few years after she loved me to the LORD.
We love you each and pray for our heavenly Father to give you what you need as the challenges arise.
He never fails!
Nancy/Larry/Dad
I have very similar feelings about this chapter too. Sometimes I think I must be a little crazy to “feel good” about my life when I have a terminally ill child. I don’t ever want to finish this chapter even though I know someday I will have no choice. It has been my favorite chapter of all!
So aptly put! Thanks for uplifting so many of us! And to Nancy….I think I’ll copy your post and refer back to it when I start feeling sorry for myself!!
Have a Wonderful Day!! Janet
Hi there Dave, I have been thinking about my response to your question for a bit. Besides this computer I live a very isolated life. Many who knew me before my accident avoid me now, ok all I guess. It is not that they don’t care, they are just uncomfortable. The new me is quite different from the old. The confident, Bible quoting, and articulate guy has been replaced with a guy who has trouble writing this and knowing what it even says, forget about comprehending any thing requiring reflective thought. That might all sound bad except for one thing. Now my faith is simple, it is all I can grasp. If this makes any sense the difference is before I practiced my religion based on my understanding of scripture now I just live my faith. I hope this makes sense it is too long. God bless you all. In Christ, Joe
Joe, I can’t see you as those around you see you, but what I do see is a beautiful person manifesting God’s Spirit in humility, love, joy, and compassion. I always enjoy reading what you have to say and appreciate the love you give to Dave, Lana, Lauren, and Carmen. I know that they also appreciate your consistent faithfulness in responding to them. You are such an important part of this unique group of people who make up the beautifulcanvas blog. Thank you so very very much.
It’s wonderful to “know” your family. This morning I was thinking about how profound it is that God knew his plans for each and every one of us before we were even a whisper. It’s pretty amazing and beautiful when you think about it. I am so glad Carmen found you and vice versa.
To Joe, I also enjoy reading your responses to posts. You are an amazing person and I love your insight and words of wisdom. I am so sad you live an isolated life, it breaks my heart. Lonliness is a cruel thing. You are a very special soul and I’m glad you are here. How can I pray for you? Do you have a blog?
Debbie
This is the most beautiful canvas. What a wonderful blessing it is to be here with you all. Praying, reading and connecting together must be a hint of what we all will experience in the presence of YHWH, on the Streets of Gold, singing and praising One True God. It’s a gift to be in the same Family with Dave, Lana, Lauren, Carmen, Nancy, Larry, Texas Grandma, NY Grandparents, Janet, Laurie, Debbie, Becky, Sweet Joe and everyone else. Easy to see the Beauty for Ashes….. Worshipping Jesus in Thanksgiving and Love…..
I have to add to what Texas Grandma and others have said to Joe – - –
Joe,
Wherever did you get the idea you have trouble with “comprehending any thing requiring reflective thought”???? You are very reflective and I love reading your encouraging comments each day. God has given you the wonderful gift of an encouraging spirit and I am very thankful for you.
Dear Father in Heaven,
I pray that you would send friends to Joe that would encourage him the way he encourages us. Let them see what we see – a humble man of God who needs the same kind of encouragement he gives others. May his friends get over their discomfort and see the lovely person you are making him. Let it be/ Amen!
Joe,
I said to Lana a while back ~if I could meet anyone from the blog it would be you! (Betty Short, second).
You are such an inspiration. You have such a beautiful heart. I am blessed just to read your loving words.
love, hugs & prayers,
monica : )
Thank you all for your kind words.
Becky, I think I understand where you are coming from. Lana’s always had a heart for others. I haven’t. So this “difficult” and several others have been big parts of my journey toward seeing others as God sees them (I still have a long way to go but at least I’m beginning to get it).
Nancy, thanks! To be perfectly honest, I don’t really understand unconditional love myself. It’s easy for me to love Lana, Lauren and others who give back to me so much more than I give them. It’s much harder for me to love Carmen, who can’t really “do anything for me”, and others who actually do harm to me and those I love. Thus, my comment to Becky above (and just in case it’s not crystal clear, I’m not suggesting that Becky is doing harm to me, just that it’s hard to see others as God sees them, particularly those who do harm to me. Hopefully, this makes sense.).
Laurie, spoken like someone who knows. Thanks!
Thanks Janet, Debbie, Texas Mom (Grandma), Mom (NY Grandma), Betty and Monica!
Joe, I’m separating yours out since I know it’s sometimes hard for you to read long paragraphs.
Hey Joe,
Thanks so much for encouraging us consistently! You’ll probably never know how much you’ve meant to Lana and me as we’ve journeyed our way through the last couple of years. You were one of the first active participants on this blog and you continue to be one of our biggest supporters.
It hurts my heart to think about your situation. And it hurts even more to know that there are countless others like you who have been tossed aside by others.
I can’t wait to meet you!
Dave
Hi Lana and Dave!
I’ve been thinking about you lately and was glad to catch a chance to check up on your blog. I’m living back at home with my parents in Oklahoma now, and our internet service is the old dial-up, since we are so rural, so I have to do all my real internet work at the occasional library visit. It’s good to hear the update on Carmen. Also, I enjoyed a talk with Charlotte a few months ago. Hope to keep in touch with you all. Molly Wright (one of the bridesmaids in your wedding–for benefit of any readers) and I are planning on going camping in Palo Duro canyon this weekend, near Lubbock where Molly is in school for her Master’s in speech pathology. We still think of you, Lana, and your family and enjoy keeping up with what is going on. I’m high on hopes to start my own sewing pattern business this summer. We will see how that goes. I’ll be working from my parents’ home, and it is nice to be back with them for a little bit. I really missed family while being out of state most of the last two years. Are you all going to be able to participate in the Make a Wish program?
Love,
Valerie
WOW!!! How can you all know how great you make me feel. Thank you all for so many kind things you say. I can hardly say words. I wish I could look at each of you , hold your hands and let you see the light in my eyes and the joy in my heart. You do a great thing for me. I can not say what I want to say to each of you in one writing ( I tried many times it don’t work
)) but I want to say some thing one at a time each day if that is ok. God bless you all, thank you for loving me. Thank you Dave, thank you Lana, for giving me a place here. In Christ, Joe
Hi Texas Grand ma, Thank you so much for saying so nice words to me. I really can not remember what I say but I never thought about being “in” this beautiful canvas more like a observer but I feel really great now to be like a part of the fabric with you all that makes this canvas some thing unique and beautiful. Thanks alot for making me feel this way. God bless and have a great day. In Christ, Joe
Hi Debbie, I had a good rest so I am writing some more. Please don’t be sad. My wife and son love me very much, every doctor I see is amazed I am not in a home. Thanks to my wife I am in my own home still. Our relationship is very different, she often goes with a friend to do things, like now, she needs that and I understand that now. It is not how we want it but it is how it is and then she will tell me stories of a good time she had so I am happy for her. I have nice neighbors who check on me and help me do things. I did have my most dear friend who would visit me, she only loved me and I loved her as in the Lord, not a physical attraction but she died from cancer January 19. I miss her terrible but her husband takes me to help him clean their house once every two weeks. My wife made me a picture book of Laura to have to remember. Thank you so much Debbie for caring for me you are an answer to prayer. I don’t have a blog only I know how to do this and caringbrige too and e-mail. I hope I make you feel good from all this I say. God bless you. In Christ, Joe
Hi Nancy, Larry, Lana,s dad, I have not write for a few days here for to know what to say. One thing I know, I am so thankful Carmen will never know the worst pain as you say. Emotional, mental, and relational. I know I said to Debbie I am happy for my wife to see her happy but I must be honest it is not a happy that last for either of us. My wife just left with a friend and the look in her eyes and I am sure mine was so sad even though we both smiled. At times like this I am truely crushed. I don’t think I ever said these words to any one except maybe Laura. I only say them now because all of you are so honest, so, my turn I guess. Yet still don’t be sad. My son is out side making a camp fire with his friends to cook hamburgers and hot dogs, I so thank God he has good times. I leave him alone because his friends get uncomfortable with me some. I am going to watch “A walk to remember” I love the song the girl sings and I pray the words in my heart “I want your symphony singing in all of me” I think that is how it goes
) have to watch it again to know. I hope this is a good thing I say. Put your hand on those fractured spirits you see, look them in the eye and give them a smile, I can tell you it is amazing what that does. God bless you all. In Christ, Joe
Hi Ya Betty, It is great to know we are family. I love to read how you love God and for calling me sweet
) God bless. In Christ, Joe
Hi New york Grandma, Can you guys tell I just got my second wind tonight. Usually I am long gone by now, but any how. Thank you so much for your prayer for me. Lots of folks say or hear a prayer and then sit back waiting for God to do his thing but I want to tell you I have been looking. I even wrote a few people, one wrote back and said he will stop by on Friday, this is Saturday, it’s the thought that counts
) He is very busy. If I may be so bold, “you are my friends” and you encourage me. God bless. In Christ, Joe
Hi Monica, I am humbled to think some one would want to meet me. All I can say is I thank God for working through me, he deserves the credit but I know what you mean. I would like to meet all of you too. To sit togather with Betty leading us in prayer would be great. Carmen in the middle of us. It is really some thing to think of all God did to have this little girl bring us all togather. Good night, God bless. In Christ, Joe
Hi Dave, Now I write you last, I was going to write you first but I needed some time to know how to say some things to you. I am still not sure I will do good. I write many times but I can never finish, it gets too long and I deleat it because I just don’t know what I am saying so I just say thank you for caring for me. I hope I do get to meet you all some day. I send this now, sorry I can not ever seem to tell you what I want. Only I say thank you for giving me a place here with you all. God bless. In Christ, Joe
Thanks, Joe, and thanks for being part of this community! It definitely wouldn’t be the same without you.