No doubt, you have all been there; you’ve all seen this. Maybe it was at the mall. Perhaps it was the grocery store. Wherever it was, you were probably minding your own business when you turned the corner and there he was. Some little kid, somewhere between three and five years old, was sprawled out completely in the middle of the aisle. He was kicking his legs into the air and screaming at the top of his lungs to his mother, something to the effect of, “THIS. ISN’T. FAIR!!!!! Why can’t I have Corn Pops (or some other food/treat/toy/<fill in the blank>?!!!!”
That’s me right now.
No, I haven’t literally dropped to the floor lately and flailed my arms and legs till I could no longer hold them up — although that would be something, wouldn’t it? — but I have been wrestling with my Father in Heaven. Over the past several weeks, I’ve told Him countless times that I don’t think the path He has chosen for us is fair. About a week ago, I even asked Him why He hated me so much (yes, I am ashamed to admit it).
I am grateful to know that the God of this universe is extremely patient. I’m thankful that He allows us to question Him and wrestle with Him. And when all is said and done, He is right there, ready to embrace us, and demonstrate that His way really is better and, quite frankly, all that we truly want anyway.
But in moments like these, when relief is nowhere to be found, I must also confess, “Not my will, Lord, but yours. Do with me what you will. Take from me what you will. Nevertheless, I will still serve you.”
***
If, by chance, this is your child…thank you!
Lana~
Thank you for sharing your thoughts today. I often questioned those same things along our Sandhoff journey too, sometimes those thoughts still cross my mind. Thank you so much for your honesty. I truly enjoy reading your posts. I have learned so much over the past six years, much more than I ever expected. I guess what I didn’t realize is that I would STILL continue to learn. Hugs, Nicki (Angel Riley’s Mommy)
Hi Nicki! Dave actually wrote this post but thanks for giving me the credit!
Remember Dave, when Jacob wrestled with the Lord. You aren’t limping, are you? He’s so Mighty. Keep blowing the trumpets and He will go ahead of you. And, then be strong and very courageous. He will lead and will provide. Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding; seek His will in all you do; and He will direct your path.
I’ve heard, or read, all this somewhere…..
“Be strong and of good courage!” is much easier said than done. Just know that we are praying for you and God hears our prayers. We don’t’ always want to hear what God is saying but He sometimes speaks in a still small voice other times he speaks loudly, other times it’s hard to hear Him at all. Just know that He is there, He hears and He will not give you any more than you can handle. Sometimes you wonder how much more you can take but He knows. We love you and are praying for you!
Thank you, Nicki.
Betty, I’m not limping but my shoulder is sore. Pretty sure it’s unrelated since it’s been around for years…but ya never know!
Betty and Aunt Sharon, thanks for the encouragement.
love your honesty…..
I’m sad to say that I am still, often, kicking and screaming – - –
I really want to say, “Not my will, Lord, but yours. Do with me what you will. Take from me what you will. Nevertheless, I will still serve you.”
The heart is willing but the flesh is weak . . .
Dave,
I was reading your post thinking about the many times I have felt the same way. I am so grateful that my Heavenly Father’s love is “SO BIG” it gives me room to have my tantrum, get up and move on all with his patient love and forgiveness. “Thy will not mine” is hard! Thank you for your honesty.
Blessings,
Kathi