Carmen update: Carmen is looking and sounding really good! Thank you for all of your prayers. I am so hopeful that she will continue to get better and soon be back to her normal. Dave still sounds really congested and I am thinking of strapping Carmen’s Vest on him and jiggling him up too! Big thanks to Karen and Tammy for meals yesterday and today.
Dave made me read The Barbarian Way by Erwin McManus. Well, really he left multiple copies around the house and then when I told him I was going to give up TV for 3 weeks (our church did the 21 day Daniel fast and, since I was already on a diet, I decided to give up TV), he handed The Barbarian Way to me and said, “Read this!!!” So, while I rode my exercise bike, I read this book.
One section stood out to me. “If even He (Jesus) found Himself sweating blood at Gethsemane, then we should be certain we will stand in crisis moments where all we can do after asking for relief is declare, ‘Not my will, but Yours.’ In those moments you may find very few who stand by you to provide you comfort and strength, and strangely enough, you may find far too many trying to reason with you that God would never require so much of anyone.”
I’ve thought to myself a few times, “What if we have or adopt another child and he/she is terminally ill? Surely God wouldn’t allow this to happen again! I’ve dealt with enough pain. I have accepted that we are going to lose Carmen but from now on, I want smooth sailing. No sickness, no death, no tragedies, no pain!!!!” But, I know that is not how this life works, and we often have to give up far more than is “fair.”
I have a feeling that when Jesus died on the cross, His disciples were saying, “This is not fair! Look at all the people He healed! He did not deserve this!” Jesus’ disciples couldn’t see the big picture, just like I cannot see the big picture of my own life.
Dave and I have friends who lost all four of their children. And I do wonder why God would require so much of anyone. They experienced the valley of the shadow of death. But, I look at this couple and see pure joy. And when I asked them how they said, “We tried bitter and chose being better over being bitter.”
Erwin McManus calls us to return to untamed faith, the barbarian way. Faith that makes no sense. Faith that isn’t pretty or easy or safe.
I like pretty and easy and safe.
The past couple of years with Carmen haven’t been easy or safe. But somehow they have been far more fullfilling than I ever dreamed.
Can I borrow the book?
This morning I had a yard sale. My next door neighbor was the first to come. In his usual way when I asked him how he was, he responded… Blessed. What a great answer.
Then he took both my hands in his & we prayed together. God is good.
I was just saying that to Dave the other night. I want to live like that every day. Offer everything I do to the Lord. I am so blessed in my life.
Thank you Jesus.
love, hugs & prayers, monica : )
Thanks. I needed to hear that. Good thoughts. Thanks for sharing your weaknesses and struggles with us. Love you all!
Thank you for sharing your heart…your words spoke to me. Sometimes it is easier for me to live in the safe box but it is truly so much more rich to be stretched and challenged while residing within the Father’s arms.
I hope to someday be a woman like you.
Blessings,
Ali
I suspect that there are few responses to this blog because most readers, like me, are not always ready/willing to welcome adversity and pain. Although, by my age, I surely know that growth comes through the hard times – not the easy times, when it is easy to “slide’ along complacently – I still struggle with letting God completely mold me into His vessal. “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is (very) weak.”
Help me, Lord, in my weakness and fear, to let go and let you work. Amen
I already had you guys tagged as Barbarians…:)
Okay, I just started reading “Wide Awake” and after that I want to read “The Barbarian Way.”