Two years ago today, the foster mom handed 5 month old Carmen to us. Carmen was legally ours and I remember Dave saying, “You don’t know what just hit you kiddo, but you’re ours now!”
The foster mom fixed Carmen’s hair in pigtails and stuffed her into a size 3 month outfit (she was wearing size 9 month). I was happy to get that outfit back as we had sent it to Guatemala for Carmen. Carmen had also worn it in the pictures with her birthmom at DNA testing.
When I think of that day, I remember being so amazed that this little girl was ours. She was so content and happy. She kept staring at us. I bet we were very baffling to her. We looked, smelled, and talked unlike anything she was used to!
I am still amazed that this little girl is ours. I sometimes think back to all the decisions we made that led us down the path to Carmen. And all the details God worked out so that Carmen was placed into our family. Are we happy we are parents to a terminally ill child? No. Would we go back and make different decision that led us on a different path, to a different child? No. This is a difficult, disappointing, and painful path but it is also filled with such joy, peace, and hope.
To Dave: As we continue to pray about our future and step forward in faith, I want you to know that, yes, I am scared. And I can’t see how anything will work out. Nothing makes sense. But when I think about Carmen, it is easy to see that God has orchestrated every aspect of her life. He has worked out every detail. I only have to look at Carmen to remember God’s faithfulness. Dave, while I may be scared to make decisions — any decisions — about our lives, I want you to know that I am with you. So, keep working on what you are working on and let’s watch God open and shut doors. I love you!
P.S. While writing this post, Dave emailed me. I realize we haven’t shared what exactly we are praying about, but I decided to share Dave’s email (with his permission!). Here it is:
Lana,
Things didn’t end very well last night and I am sorry for that. Believe it or not, I was actually encouraged by our conversation. I know we approach things from two completely different perspectives. But I love talking about our future together. Hoping and dreaming. And I can tell that you’ve been thinking about things too.
All I am asking of you right now is three things:
1) Please don’t write this off just because you are uncomfortable with it and things seem to be moving too fast.
2) Identify everything you can think of that would need to get addressed/resolved for you to be convinced that this might be what God has in mind for us. Put it on paper and let’s review and discuss it.
3) Really pray about this, by yourself and with me.
In turn, I will do whatever you need me to do. You just have to let me know what you need. I can assure you that I won’t move forward alone, only with you.
I love you Lana!
January 7, 2007- Carmen, 5 months old, pick-up day!
Whatever it is, it sounds like something life changing, so I will pray with you and for you. I pray that you will embrace God’s will for your family with pure faith and total peace.
And I am so thankful that God rescued Carmen from Guatemala and brought her to a home overflowing with love and a country with good medical care. There is no doubt that she was meant to be yours, for better and for worst. God is using you to bless her and using her to both bless and change you. I am sad that it is so difficult and painful, but I know that a plant thrives and has more vigorous growth after being pruned. God is already using your family to positively affect others, but it seems that may only be the beginning – more vigorous growth is coming. Thank you for taking us along this journey with you. By sharing your lives openly with us you are strengthening our faith in God.
Love,
Christina
Dave and Lana: God bless you and your family.
I have learned in my 63 years that when God is in the plan, He makes everything fit in place. Our world is changing and NOTHING is going to be normal.
It takes a step of faith, holding on to each other and the Lord to go forward with what God has planned.
When He is in it, it is very, very clear that you are to walk thru that door together, not separately, but together. Good advice from Dave. I will be praying for God to make it clear and you wil walk forward together. You bless my heart. God will not let you make a mistake.
Diane
Hi there, So, what are you two up to? I will stand with you and help how ever I can. Funny how my day has been today. I started with my morning prayer but was unsettled and felt like I was missing something. Then as I prayed I remembered something and already told some one else how God does not work in us through our feelings. It does not matter how we feel about something it just matters who we trust. Two things came to me. Gideon asked God to prove the voice he was hearing was really him…twice! and God did just that. The other is I think Peter says to “try the Spirits to tell wether they are good or evil”. I used to quote Scripture like a preacher, not any more so check what I say. Always check what some one says. Well, I hope maybe this will help you too. God bless you both. In Christ, Joe
Your story gets ever more intriguing…sounds or has some similarities to what hubs and I are talking about beginning to explore…keep us in the loop I LOVE people’s stories and His part in them. She is beautiful still and you sharing that beauty with us is much appreciated.
Thank you, Dave and Lana. Thank you, Christina, Diane, Joe and Becky. You all teach me and lead me further. You all are the Light of God. I get so excited when He’s in it. Carmen is such an angel to lead us all. Hallelujah!! Keep….. Love and Mighty Blessings, Betty.
Thank you all for your prayer and support. Within the next day or so, we hope to lay out a few things to you here on this blog. Our genuine hope is that YOU will help us think through some possibilities and considerations, lift them up before God and even offer us some advice. The things we are talking about really are crazy…so crazy, in fact, that they’ll only work if God is in them.
Becky, your latest Twitter post is interesting…for reasons you will soon find out.
What a beautiful photo and update, I’m praying for all of you! http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/liz2008
If your hearts desire is truly God’s will, than nothing can stop His plan and it will be perfect in Him. “Be not afraid, I go before you always…and pave the road smooth”. Directly from scripture. I cant wait to see what God has in store for you. You are an amazing God fearing family and I so enjoy your journey of faith and love. Believing in you and for you, Susie
Ah, I haven’t seen that picture of Carmen. What a dolly. She still is. So precious, it makes my eyes well up with tears. I am sorry your road has been so difficult and painful. I cannot imagine.
And, I am excited and intrigued to find out what you are up to. It’s gonna be good, I can tell.
It seems to me that God is showing himself more and more as times get more difficult in this day and age. And is testing the faithful to the utmost. I cannot wait to see how He shows himself to you in the future.
Praying for you always and now praying for direction in your lives.
Debbie
You are always in my prayers.
I am so blessed God lead me to you & even more blessed that you welcomed me into your lives with open arms & hearts.
I strive to be a better person because of you (the whole family).
love, hugs & prayers, monica
Always thinking of you guys and Carmen – sending hugs!!!!!!!!!!