Comments (14)

By Lana, November 17, 2008 12:34 am

New kind of normal. Our normal. Not normal. These are all phrases you hear when you spend time with families with terminally ill children.

Our lives are not “normal.” Letting go of that normal has been very, very hard. I often wish that life was easier. I wish that my two little girls were running around, laughing and playing together. I wish that Lauren and Carmen would grow up together.

For some reason, God chose us for a not-so-normal life. We took the first step by adopting internationally but we had no idea that road would lead us to a terminally ill child. Letting go of my own desire for a normal life has been a painful process and one I continue to struggle with.

I keep going back to Hebrews 11, the faith chapter. Normal is not spending a year in an Ark. Talk about life on hold! Normal is not waiting until you are 90 and 100 years old for a child. Most of us don’t like waiting one day for what we want. Normal is not hiding your child for 3 months from a king intent on killing all baby boys. Normal is not giving that baby boy to the very people enslaving and mistreating your people. I doubt Moses’ mom envisioned this life for her son.

I can’t think of anyone in the Bible who lived a normal life. And yet their lives are awe-inspiring. So perhaps normal is over-rated. I do know that this past year with Carmen has changed us forever. I don’t think we will ever be normal again and I am not sure we would want to be. I hope and pray that for the rest of our lives, we let go of normal. And that we are willing to take the big “risks” that are both painful and rewarding.

Me and Carmen, an amazing little girl who is teaching me so much without ever uttering a word.

Comments (10)

By Lana, November 12, 2008 7:07 pm

Carmen update: Carmen’s pediatrician called and Carmen still has C-diff. We are starting another round of Vancomycin. Her doctor recommended starting VSL#3, a probiotic with 450 billion live bacteria per packet. Carmen has also developed a yeast infection on her leg. The area stays clean and dry so I have no idea how this happened. We are putting Nystatin on the area and will continue loading her up with probiotics. Hopefully something will help. Please pray for Carmen.

I took Lauren in for her pediatric opthamologist follow-up. She is seeing 20/30 and 20/50 with her glasses. We will go back for another visit in two months. If her vision with glasses hasn’t improved, she will have to wear an eye patch for a few hours per day. She does not like that idea at all so we are praying that her vision improves! If she does have to wear an eye patch, I hope it is pink and sparkly!

While at Lauren’s follow-up visit, I asked the doctor if he could take a look in Carmen’s eyes. He was happy to check her. He turned off the lights and looked in her eyes with a very bright light. Carmen’s eyelids did not even flutter. He said that most likely she does not see anything. A year ago Carmen was still tracking objects. This disease progresses so quickly and so relentlessly.

Thank you Wendy for watching Carmen on Monday so I could take Lauren out! Lauren was very happy to have “mommy-time” and totally enjoyed her Panera Cinnamon Crunch bagel!

Yesterday as I was unpacking my grocery bags, Lauren saw a can of tuna. She looked very worried and upset and asked, “Mom, you aren’t going to cook a mermaid, are you?” I love 4 year olds!!!

Comments (16)

By Lana, November 10, 2008 11:47 pm

I would like to:

1) Take professional looking pictures. The kind that make you go “WOW!”

2) Speak fluent Spanish.

I absolutely love beautiful pictures. They make me happy. Especially razor-sharp pictures that pop off the page. I am finding that actually taking a picture like this is impossible when you don’t know what you are doing with your camera! So, I’ve been reading up on photography, practicing, and making my “wish list” of lenses! I have a loooonnnngggg way to go!

Before Carmen’s diagnosis, I felt very strongly that Carmen needed to know Spanish. We live in a very diverse area with a large Hispanic population. I didn’t want Carmen to grow up here and not speak Spanish so my thought was that we all needed to learn Spanish! (Dave speaks some Spanish but he would like to be fluent.) Lauren took a Spanish class and loved it. After Carmen’s diagnosis, learning Spanish dropped off my radar. But, I have hopes that someday we will learn the language and that someday we will go back to Guatemala.

I have no plans to actually start learning Spanish at this point but it is a skill I would love to have!

What skill(s) would you like to have???

Dave took this picture yesterday and I think it is really, really good! These are roses from my birthday.

Comments (5)

By Lana, November 8, 2008 3:59 pm

Thank you so much for all the wonderful birthday comments!!! You all made my day!

My day started when I went downstairs to find that Dave and Lauren made breakfast for me: scrambled eggs, toast and raspberries. Before he left for work, Dave gave me a birthday party invitation that he and Lauren made. 5 o’clock sharp I was invited to a party with fun and games, cake, and birthday presents.

My friend Karen brought over a present: scones and green tea. Thank you Karen! The tea is amazing!

The girls and I went to my friend Lori’s house for birthday lunch. Lori knows me well and made a big salad with lots of avocado! Thank you Lori!

My birthday party time arrived and Dave had red roses, balloons and princess decorations! He got chicken kabobs for us and pizza for Lauren.

After dinner, it was time for birthday cake. Lauren picked up the cake and down it went. Upside down on the kitchen floor. It was one of those moments when you see that your child is crushed and big tears start pouring down her face. It’s not one bit funny but you have to hide your face because the whole event is hysterical. We cleaned up the frosting and ate the cake. It was delicious.

Thank you Dave and Lauren for all your hard work. Thank you for the Christmas CDs, movie and book. I love you!

Here are some pictures from my party:

Me with balloons and Carmen with a birthday hat (Carmen has slimmed down considerably since we cut her calories to 500 per day. She looks so much better and her breathing sounds great!)

Lauren anxiously watching the animal balloon-making, afraid the balloons might pop. When Dave finished the dog, she was happy!

The salvaged 33rd birthday cake!

Comments (62)

By Dave ©, November 6, 2008 10:59 pm

In honor of Lana’s 33rd birthday (tomorrow, November 7th), I am sharing 33 things about her that I absolutely love and appreciate. Here they are, in no particular order:

1. She has a heart full of compassion
2. She has a smile that lights up a room!
3. She is smart
4. She is caring
5. She is unmaterialistic
6. She is a great cook
7. She is an excellent mother and wife (not just because she is a great cook…although that certainly helps!)
8. She does whatever it takes to get through
9. She is family-oriented
10. She is studious, unrelenting until she finds the answer to her question/challenge
11. She is not afraid to say, “I am sorry”
12. She has great hair
13. She is determined
14. She is empathetic toward others
15. She is sensitive
16. She has beautiful blue eyes
17. She is loyal
18. She is a really great friend (in part, because she is so loyal)
19. She has amazingly soft skin
20. Her growing photography skills
21. She is humble
22. She has some pretty cool nicknames: at-Lana Braves, Lana Banana
23. She loves God
24. She is a great role model
25. She is more interested in others than herself
26. She is a wonderful conversationalist
27. She is a listener…although she can certainly talk your ear off too!
28. She is gentle and makes her southern heritage shine
29. She is grounded (present-focused)
30. She is adaptable
31. She is supportive
32. She has a really cool blog (and occasionally even lets me write on it…just kidding!)!
33. She loves me even though she knows me!

Here is a picture of Lana that Lauren took recently:

I love you Lana! Happy Birthday.

What do you love and appreciate about Lana?