While looking for an old picture of Lana to respond to her “Best Meal Ever” post, I found the following in our files. As I understand it, Lana’s dad made it as part of her high school graduation invitation.
Here it is in text in case you cannot read the picture:
The Weaver
My life is but a weaving, between my Lord and me.
I cannot choose the colors. He worketh steadily.
Oftimes He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride…
Forget He sees the upper and I the underside.
Not till the loom is silent and the shuttles cease to fly,
Shall God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why.Anonymous
I really do believe that God uses pain and sorrow as well as joy and good times to shape us and form our character. In a million years, we would have never asked for a child who is terminally ill. Yet, we really do love Carmen and she has opened our eyes to see the beauty of the imperfect (although it’s not like the rest of us are perfect).
Your turn. How has God used sorrow to mold you and shape you?
All through my life He has molded and shaped me.
When I was 12, I contracted Rheumatic Fever and was bedridden for a year. One of the things I had to do when I got well was attend a school for children with disabilities. I came home the first day and told my mother I was not returning to that school. She asked me if I had prayed about it. She sent me to my room to do just that. The next day I was on the bus and fell in love with those children. It was the best year of my life. Little did I know God was preparing me for my husband. Gary was wounded severly in Viet Nam-had to learn to talk, walk, read and write all over again, this time writing with his left hand. He has been the best thing that ever happened to me. I love him dearly.
The next thing God used to shape and mold our lives was the death of our Daughter, Amie to an appendectomy at 8. I know the heartache, the walk, the sorrow, and the joy of knowing she’s with Jesus. 21 years later, we are not the same as we were. We’re stronger, more aware of Heaven, more aware of the sufferings of others around us and realize we’re just passing through, on our way to Heaven……
How has God used pain and sorrow to mold me…I drafted Tom Brady #2 overall on my fantasy team this year….
As I mentioned in Lana’s “Best Meal” post, I was diagnosed with an Auto-Immune disease as a 23 yr old triathlete. Soon the disease went ballistic in my body and my kidney’s shut down. Through an experimental process, the doctors were able to stabilize my kidneys, leaving them functioning around 20%. (Eight years later they function less than 15%). The once “full of endless energy, 3% body fat triathlete”, now has high-blood pressure, anemia and limited energy. I always share that I know personally, a God who makes the young man old before his time.
It is hard to go through life wanting to supply for your family, help those in your areas of passion and yet know that by the end of a half a day, you will have used all the energy that your kids want you to use to wrestle and play after school. But I would not trade it for anything.
I have learned contentment with His plan. I have learned to make each moment count. I have learned to make wise choices with time allotment. I have learned to be more compassionate towards others with “issues.” I have learned all the more to trust the one who sees the big picture.
This has always been a favorite poem of mine. I believe I first heard it at Pine Cove, a wonderful Christian camp in Tyler, Texas.
Here is the complete poem:
THE WEAVER
My Life is but a weaving
between my Lord and me;
I cannot choose the colors
He worketh steadily.
Oft times He weaveth sorrow
And I, in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper,
And I the under side.
Not til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly,
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful
In the Weaver’s skillful hand,
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.
He knows, He loves, He cares,
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives His very best to those
Who leave the choice with Him.
Just popped over from Los’ blog. I am sad that you don’t care about the issue of women in the Church. When half or more of every congregation is told you are not as valuable to us as you would be if you were a man there is a problem. Biblically, no. Check out the blog Abandon Image for a thorough discussion on what the Bible really does say about the issue.
Minnow, thanks for the comment. I recognize that my post on Los’ blog might not have come across the way I intended. Sorry. Please allow me to clarify. It’s not that I don’t care about the issue of women in the church at all. It’s just that I think there are more important issues to be discussing as a church body than who teaches from the pulpit on Sunday morning, things like how we can better serve our communities, love our neighbors, etc.
So you know, our local body of believers has several women on staff and some occasionally speak from the pulpit.
PS. Feel free to send me an email if you’d like. dave@beautifulcanvas.org
I can’t tell you all the times sorrow or pain changed me but I have said one simple prayer for as long as I have been a Christian (20 or so yrs) “Jesus, break me and make me”. I think it is a cycle that will be repeated until I die and that is fine by me. Today people say they pray for healing for me and I tell them “no need, pray I am used, if God needs me healed then he will do it”.
Eleven yers ago my 17-year-old Grandson was returning from Syracuse after a weekend drill for his
Army Reserve Unit when he apparently fell asleep and was killed instantly in a crash. It is a phone call you never want to receive. As well as my grief for him I was grieveing for my daughter because there was nothing I could do to make it better for her.
Many have said “How sad that Jay died alone”. I feel sorry for those people. I know that God was there with his arms wrapped around this boy as he went home. I miss him but I know and believe that I will see him again. My Lord has promised that to me in His Holy word. Out of sorrow comes acceptance and I thank God that I had this boy in my life for the 17 years that He did lend him to us.
O Barb!
How I weep with you at the loss of Jay – - I cannot truly know your pain (yet), but can well remember when it looked like God was going to ask me to give up my son(s) – Once when Steve was 13 months old, his sister found him in his bed convulsing with a 106 degree temperature. It took several days and many tests to determine he was simply having a fever convulsion. What I remember is being faced with telling God I would accept whatever he determined.
Again, as you know, we faced the same with Wes 8 years ago. I can remember, as we traveled to Philadelphia, telling God He couldn’t take my son – -(I wasn’t going to accept it – - can you imagine??) after all, he (Wes) had committed his entire life to serving God as a pastor and, surely God knew that this wouldn’t be fair. Again – it came to me that we are ALL in God’s hands and every day is a gift.
I would have to say that these experiences (added to Carmen’s projected short life) have led me to understand that none of us are immune to “life” and the only way to get through these trials is to remind ourselves that God loves our children more than we do (thank you, Darlene Ingalls for teaching me that many years ago as you son fought his battle with cancer) and we will be together in the end. As Wes stated above, it has also made me more aware of the need to make every day count.
I am also learning that God brings such blessing out of these trials. I look at the many people we are “meeting” through this site (as an example). The out pouring of love and sharing of sorrows is such an encouragment and reminds me that others are going through the same waters – feeling the same pain.
Dave and Lana – when I read the things you do to make Lauren and Carmen’s days “count” it makes me wish I had taken more time to enjoy my kids (even you, Dave
) when they were young. No matter how long each child’s life is, it is over so very fast – - so, along with acceptance of what God allows to happen, and being thankful for every day we have every child, I think I am learning to treasure every day and moment God does give us.
Which is why we had such a wonderful time with the grandchildren this summer. We are “whipped” but joyful for the days you allowed us to care for your precious children (Dave, Lana, Wes, and Karen). We are looking forward to more!!!
My mom was diagnosed with colon cancer at the age of 56 in 2001. She died almost a year later in 2002. I was 28. I would give anything to have her here now and to have had her be at our wedding, meet her grandkids and just to have my mom, BUT the understanding I have of the pain that other people go through in losing a loved one is so much more concrete. I never would have had that level of understanding without going through it myself. I think the biggest lesson I learned is that you can have tons of faith, but God’s plans don’t always turn out the way we want- and that has to be okay, because as your poem so beautifully describes, God sees the big picture and we only see one little thread at a time. I really have come to a place of peace in realizing that there are just going to be things that I will never understand on this earth and I know when I get to heaven, God will show me what the point was of all the tears and heartache.
It took me a long time after my mom died to finally get to place where I truly felt my mom was the lucky one – she was in heaven with Jesus himself and there was no more pain and no more tears. I heard the song, “I Can Only Imagine” and it made me realize what an amazing thing it must be to stand in the presence of God. I still sometimes cry for myself because – “I want my mommy!!!!”, but I don’t cry for her because I know her life now is far better than any of us can imagine.
Oh, another thing it taught me is to try and avoid saying things like, “God has a plan.”, “She’s with God now.”, “All things work together for good…”, etc. to people who are freshly experiencing pain. All those things are true, but honestly, I didn’t want to hear that stuff in the midst of the pain. I just wanted God to heal my mom like Lazarus or Tabitha or any of the number of people who were miraculously healed in the Bible. I KNEW he could do it, so why wouldn’t he do it for me? The best thing people could say to me, and now I say to others, is, “I’m so sorry.” or “You’re in my prayers.” I was thinking, “Don’t try to make it better, because unless you can fix my mom/bring her back, all the biblical platitudes in the world aren’t going to ease my pain.”
Thanks for this lovely poem and for giving me a chance to share my story! Sarah
Wes with the health issues, you must read about Carrie and maybe get in touch with her. She also was a marathon runner…
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/carriemaniscalco
Also… Our first daughter, Abby, lived for 3 precious weeks. After she passed away, I looked at her time on this earth as the “lifetime” that God chose for her, and for us. Three weeks – 21 days – was her “lifetime”. We never know how long our own “lifetimes” will be…
God Bless,
Sandi
http://www.jerryandsandirectenwald.com
Thank you all for sharing your stories. This is exactly what we had in mind when we changed the site to be more interactive:
* A little bit less about our story
* A little bit more about your stories
* A lot more about God’s story.
Please, keep sharing. These are incredibly moving and encouraging.
I so can understand what Sarah is saying. I am 60 years old (there – I said it in print!!) and lost my mom a few years ago (she was 90) and I can still cry and say, “I want my mommy!!” I want her when I am hurting (because I know she would understand and hug me) and I want her when the good times roll (as in seeing her great-grandchildren be born and grow). My dad has been gone for more 25 years – and that still hurts, too.
Thanks, Sarah, for sharing – you are not alone – - I agree with everything you wrote. BTW, check out Kathy Trocolli – her books or, better yet, go to one of her speaking engagments (check her web site http://www.troccoli.com/). She lost her parents, too, and speaks wonderfully from the heart – you will relate! We played her song, “Good bye for now” from her album Comfort (I highly recommend the album) at my mom’s funeral. This song will make you cry, but it will remind you that we are only saying good-bye for now!
My biggest sorrow has also been the loss of my mom 3 years ago but in losing her I’ve also gained my greatest joy. It was her loss that woke me up and gave me the courage to say “I want a child…I’m not content living my life without one even if I am 40 now” and to share my deepest wishes with my husband. A year ago we brought my daughter home from Guatemala and not a day goes past that I don’t wish her Grandmother could sit with me and watch her laugh and play. But then I realize (because I truly believe) she is watching!