A couple of weeks ago I had the privilege of sitting down with a friend and her boyfriend over lunch. My friend’s boyfriend is an independent contractor for a large software development company. For the past few months, he’s been wrestling with some professional and personal questions. Since I was an independent contractor for four years before choosing a different path, he wanted to get my thoughts on a few things.

It was a great conversation but, to be honest, I am pretty sure that I got more out of it than he did. About 45 minutes into the discussion, he said to me, “It seems as though you’ve changed a lot in the last few years.”

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As many of you know, Lana, Lauren, Carmen and I went to Florida last weekend to attend the annual Tay Sachs Association conference. It was great to connect with the other parents. It was also nice to wear shorts and t-shirts in March! At the same time, it was really tough to see the progression of this disease in the other children. It was also hard to see so many other parents struggling with all that this disease entails and what it means for their children and families.

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I was reading Psalm 15 this morning while eating breakfast in Carmen’s hospital room. I love this chapter and read it often. I cannot adequately explain this passage but here is my summary, what I get from it. Do I want to be close to God? If so, I must pursue true character, which can only be found in God. If I really pursue the character of God, I will not be shaken by the painful events in life.

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Like many of the other parents whose children have degenerative diseases, I wrestle with the realities of it and wonder, “Why Carmen? What did she do to deserve this?”

There was a time in my life, not too long ago, when our current situation would have crushed me to the ground. There would have been little left in me except bitterness and anger, little left of me except of pile of rubble.

While I am far from a person of great character, I do recognize some of the changes God is making in me as I pursue Him. It seems as though you’ve changed a lot in the last few years. Yes, that is true. I have changed in the last few years. More accurately, God has changed me a lot in the last few years. And I am extremely grateful!

That is a truth that I overlook all-too-often. I am not yet the man I want to be but praise God that I am no longer the man I once was (my paraphrase of Martin Luther King Jr.). Thank you, Lord.

Thank you Chris, Eric F., Mario, Andy, CF, Eric K. and many others who have reminded me recently that God is up to something…and we are all invited to participate. God is up to something in me and through me.

I can’t wait to see it unfold!